Rory: I just want you to know...I really wanted you to be my stepfather.
Mr. Medina: I just want you to know...I really wanted to be your stepfather.

Dean: Go with their bits.
Max: Their bits?
Dean: Yeah. Like, if you're eating pizza with them, and Lorelai decides that the pepperoni is angry at the mushrooms because the mushrooms have an attitude, and then she holds up a pepperoni and the pepperoni asks for your opinion, don't just laugh. Answer the pepperoni.

Lorelai: Max, they're teenagers. They can kiss a little bit.
Max: Okay, well, what do I do if Rory comes home drunk?
Lorelai: Come on!
Max: It happens.
Lorelai: Not to Rory it doesn't.
Max: I know. But theoretically, just in a make believe world, if she did, what would I do?
Lorelai: Nothing.
Max: Excuse me?
Lorelai: No, you would do nothing. I would handle it.
Max: So basically, I have no role in Rory's life.
Lorelai: Max, Rory's done. She's brought up, she's Rory. You don't need a role.
Max: Fine.
Lorelai: I don't see the problem here.
Max: Clearly. So, I should do nothing around here ever.
Lorelai: No, not nothing ever.
Max: What then?
Lorelai: Well, making the garlic bread the other night was really good.

(Lorelai is on the phone with Max, freaking out about what Luke told her)
Lorelai: If I die, I want you to know where the coupon drawer is!
Max: Yes, I'd like that too. I think.

Max: Thank you for last night.
Lorelai: It was a good night, wasn't it?
Max: Several novels will be written about it.
Lorelai: I say we do it again, and next time I'll be the gypsy queen.

Max: I couldn't find a horse.
Lorelai: You didn't have to-
Max: Don't say anything, please. You were right last night, I shouldn't have proposed to you like that. It was stupid. It was the wrong place and the wrong time. I kicked myself the entire night for doing it. But you were wrong about something too. I didn't propose to you because we were fighting. I proposed because I love you. We're in a bad pattern Lorelai, and we have to break it. And other than that murder-suicide thing, which would be illegal and messy, I can only think to be impetuous.
Lorelai: Max.
Max: No listen, I woke up this morning and I realized that I studied and taught the great literature all my life. And those stories are replete with characters that let opportunities slip by, but what I teach is more than literature, it's lessons in life. If I don't follow these tenets, I'm not the man I thought I was, the man I want to be.

(Luke has just left Lorelai's house, after having a rather intense encounter with Max)
Max: So are we going?
Lorelai: Uh, yeah. Just wanted to make sure you two were through swinging those things around. Someone's bound to lose an eye.
Max: What are you talking about?Lorelai: Nothing. I'll get my purse.
(Max follows Lorelai into the living room)
Max: So not to be blunt, but is that over?
Lorelai: Is what over?
Max: Whatever's going on that I just walked in on.
Lorelai: Oh Max, come on, that's Luke.
Max: I kind of picked something up there.
Lorelai: Okay. Well, drop it back on the ground and kick it under the couch, because there is no there there.
Max: Hey, it's okay. I mean, we were apart for quite a while. I never assumed you joined a convent.
Lorelai: Max.
Max: I mean, it's not like I didn't date while we were apart.
Lorelai: You dated?
Max: A little.
Lorelai: A little person?
Max: No, I dated a little.
Lorelai: Okay. Well, I didn't expect you to join a manvent or whatever the male equivalent of that is called. Who did you date?
Max: A monastery.
Lorelai: You dated a monastery?
Max: No, a monastery is the male equivalent of a convent.
Lorelai: Thank you Mr. Medina. I'll make a note for the quiz on Friday.
Max: I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.
Lorelai: No, I get it. Yes. We were apart. And, uh, you know, I didn't exactly remain inactive.
Max: So you did date Luke?
Lorelai: No, I did not date Luke.
Max: You can tell me.
Lorelai: I did not date Luke.
Max: There was a vibe.
Lorelai: There was no vibe. What is with the questioning? You won't tell me who you dated.

Max: We can't keep getting this close just to have something completely derail us again. And frankly there's only one thing I can think of that could solve it.
Lorelai: Break up.
Max: Ugh.
Lorelai: Well, I'm not interested in a murder-suicide kind of thing ...
Max: We should get married.
(long pause)
Lorelai: Give me a clue as to whether you're kidding or not.
Max: I am not kidding.
Lorelai: Good clue.

Max: So did you date Luke?
Lorelai: No, I did not date Luke.
Max: You can tell me.
Lorelai: I did not date Luke.
Max: There was a vibe.

Luke: Yeah, I'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
Lorelai: Yeah, you're very handy. So Luke, we'll talk later.
Luke: Yes we will.
Max: Although probably not tonight. We won't be back until late.
Lorelai: No, I meant not tonight.
Max: Oh, I misunderstood.
Lorelai: I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow.
Luke: Absolutely. We see each other most everyday.
Max: Well sure, you've got the coffee.
Luke: And she needs the coffee. So I'll see you tomorrow.
Lorelai: Tomorrow.
Luke: Same time as always.
Max: I'd count on a little later.
Luke: Doesn't matter what time it is. I'll always be around.

Lorelai: Class is over!
Max: We're back in session.
Lorelai: Well I didn't raise my hand, so don't call on me!

Lorelai: So where did you learn to make osso bucco anyway?
Max: Um, from this very old Italian woman who used to live upstairs. She had lost her husband a couple of years before and she kinda looked at me as like a son.
Lorelai: Sweet.
Max: She was.
Lorelai: So an old girlfriend huh?
Max: Yep.

Gilmore Girls Quotes

(about Max knowing his way around the kitchen)
Rory: He has much knowledge.
Lorelai: We shall form a cult around him.
Rory: Build a statue many stories high.
Lorelai: We shall grow our hair long and stop bathing.

Oh, hey! There's my dad!

Lane