Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation

Mark: I knew, eventually, somehow being in a relationship with you would totally pay off.
Ann: I bought him some actual towels. He was using a bathrobe. And I bought him some other things that humans usually use, like shampoo.

Leslie: Everybody stop talking, until Justin gets here. Don't use up your stories.
Mark: Well I think somebody from Animal Services is going to get canned-
Leslie: Oh my god, what part of no talking do you not understand? Please have a good time and shut your mouth.

I can't wait to talk to Justin again. Last time he told me about how he snorkeled with whale sharks in Madagascar. That was after I told him that I sometimes go swimming at the Y.

Mark: You have nothing else to give me.
Andy: I have a T-shirt I tackled Eddie Vedder in. It's literally priceless.

Andy: No, I just figured because, uh, pool's all about angles and he's a failed architect that he might want to play pool.
Mark: Let's do it.
Ann: Really? That worked?

Tom: Maybe Ron shot himself.
Leslie: Mmm, he has seemed really depressed lately.
Mark: He was shot in the back of the head.
Leslie: You're right. He loves the back of his head. He would never shoot himself there.

Tom: Mark's not even in the department.
Mark: Neither is Ann.
Tom: But Ann's hot. And that counts for something.

Leslie: I've seen you sketch things.
Mark: Uh, yeah. Like poles for stop signs.
Leslie: That everybody stops and looks at.
Mark: By law, Leslie. They're required to.

Leslie: Ann's in trouble. We think it might be pills.
Mark: What?
Leslie: No. That's a lie. But this is just as important. We need you to look at a piece of art.

Mark: Would you break the rules?
Leslie: I won't murder.
Mark: That's good to know.

Leslie: Let's look at the pros and cons.
Ann: Pro, we can fill in the pit and build a park.
Leslie: Con, we might be filling it in with dirty money.
Tom: Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
Leslie: Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
Mark: We can fill in the pit.
Leslie: Con, Ann already said that. Pro and con never works.
Tom: Pro, yes it does.

Jerry: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have an unpaid parking ticket.
Mark: Well that's funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
Jerry: What?
Mark: You didn't know that, huh?
Jerry: I didn't know I was adopted.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 31 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

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