Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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Mark: I knew, eventually, somehow being in a relationship with you would totally pay off.
Ann: I bought him some actual towels. He was using a bathrobe. And I bought him some other things that humans usually use, like shampoo.

Leslie: Everybody stop talking, until Justin gets here. Don't use up your stories.
Mark: Well I think somebody from Animal Services is going to get canned-
Leslie: Oh my god, what part of no talking do you not understand? Please have a good time and shut your mouth.

I can't wait to talk to Justin again. Last time he told me about how he snorkeled with whale sharks in Madagascar. That was after I told him that I sometimes go swimming at the Y.

Mark: You have nothing else to give me.
Andy: I have a T-shirt I tackled Eddie Vedder in. It's literally priceless.

Andy: No, I just figured because, uh, pool's all about angles and he's a failed architect that he might want to play pool.
Mark: Let's do it.
Ann: Really? That worked?

Tom: Maybe Ron shot himself.
Leslie: Mmm, he has seemed really depressed lately.
Mark: He was shot in the back of the head.
Leslie: You're right. He loves the back of his head. He would never shoot himself there.

Tom: Mark's not even in the department.
Mark: Neither is Ann.
Tom: But Ann's hot. And that counts for something.

Leslie: I've seen you sketch things.
Mark: Uh, yeah. Like poles for stop signs.
Leslie: That everybody stops and looks at.
Mark: By law, Leslie. They're required to.

Leslie: Ann's in trouble. We think it might be pills.
Mark: What?
Leslie: No. That's a lie. But this is just as important. We need you to look at a piece of art.

Mark: Would you break the rules?
Leslie: I won't murder.
Mark: That's good to know.

Leslie: Let's look at the pros and cons.
Ann: Pro, we can fill in the pit and build a park.
Leslie: Con, we might be filling it in with dirty money.
Tom: Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
Leslie: Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
Mark: We can fill in the pit.
Leslie: Con, Ann already said that. Pro and con never works.
Tom: Pro, yes it does.

Jerry: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have an unpaid parking ticket.
Mark: Well that's funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
Jerry: What?
Mark: You didn't know that, huh?
Jerry: I didn't know I was adopted.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 31 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.

Ron