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Marge: This disaster-ette was a real wake-up call. We need to find a way to protect our irreplaceables.
Firefighter: You could buy a fireproof safe.
Homer: Or we could just resolve to be more careful with our open flames!
Firefighter: Sir, we've been here six times this month.
Homer: Yeah, but, um, one of those, I dialed 911 by mistake but I was too embarrassed to admit it so I set the house on fire. Feels good to tell the truth. No, I'm lying again, it feels bad.
- Permalink: This disaster-ette was a real wake-up call. We need to find a wa...
(After the family puts their special items in the safe, smoke begins coming out.)
Bart: What's that comin' out of the safe?
Homer: I don't know--Maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlights, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil and soon explode.
Lisa: Dad, that's ridiculous!
(The safe blows apart from the explosion.)
Krusty Doll: What's the deal with this California pizza? If I wanted cheese and fruit--(As it burns from the flames and begins melting)--I'd...have...to...(Melts into a plastic puddle)
Marge: (Devastated when the family album falls apart into ashes) Nooooooo! It's gone! That family album was a record of my accomplishments! It's like what a resume is for a man.
Lisa: I agree, Mom. It's very sad. But we'll have to move on. It's not like we can restage all our family photos.
Marge: (Becoming delighted upon the idea) Restage the photos!
Bart: Lisa you fool, you've doomed us all!
(Marge quickly puts a baby bonnet on him and snaps a shot with her camera as he cries out before she takes a second shot, which is among the first ones seen in the new family album.)
- Permalink: What's that comin' out of the safe? I don't know--Maybe the Kr...
Marge: Grampa's driving me crazy!
Homer: Why are you telling me? He's YOUR father-in-law.
- Permalink: Grampa's driving me crazy! Why are you telling me? He's YOUR f...
Homer: (as Esteban) So, how long is senor Homer out of town for?
Marge: Ooh, I don't know, he might come home any minute
Homer: Then I must flee! (jumps out the window and re-enters the room as himself) Where is he? Where is he? I smell his aftershave!
Marge: I don't think we're doing this right.
- Permalink: So, how long is senor Homer out of town for? Ooh, I don't know...
Marge: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't work, maybe when you're an adult you can pay some lady to make you happy for an hour.
Bart: Ya know, I'm pretty sure I will.
- Permalink: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't wo...
Marge: Homie, you woke up early?
Homer: Stumbled home at dawn, same diff.
- Permalink: Homie, you woke up early? Stumbled home at dawn, same diff.
Marge: The biggest change for me over the last 8 years that's gotta be Homer.
Homer: Marge, baby, I got a picture of you tattooed on my chest!
(he opens his shirt to reveal a skull with Marge's hairdo)
Homer: They had a sale on skulls.
- Permalink: The biggest change for me over the last 8 years that's gotta be ...
Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him.
(Knives drop out of Homer's shirt, and pants.)
- Permalink: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man! Relax Marge. I wasn't going...
Marge: Bart, you're too young to get married! You still ask me to check the closet for the boogeyman!
Bart: Well, maybe I've found somebody else to do it for me!
- Permalink: Bart, you're too young to get married! You still ask me to check...
Marge: Revenge never solves anything!
Homer: (sarcastically) Then what's America doing in Iraq?
- Permalink: Revenge never solves anything! Then what's America doing in I...
Snake: Hand over your wallet.
Homer: You don't frighten me!
(Snake shoots Homer)
Homer: Or my wife!
(Snake shoots Marge)
Homer: Or my--
Marge: Shut up!
- Permalink: Hand over your wallet. You don't frighten me! Or my wife! ...
Marge: This is so exciting! Watching a movie outside with the whole town.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, thank you for talking to one of us like we just tuned in! (his lawn chair collapses) Ooh, a fat man falls! Real original!
- Permalink: This is so exciting! Watching a movie outside with the whole tow...