Bart: I'll buy the white wine.
Marge: You can't buy white wine!
Bart: Why not? Are you having red meat?

Marge: Why do you have to eat have to eat peanuts in the shower?
Homer: It gives me the fresh circus feeling in the morning.

Marge: (to Homer) We have to take in Mr. Brockman. He wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap.
Homer: Oh, sure! Put down a simple guy like me who works hard and plays by the rules!
Bart: Dad, you barely go to work at all.
Lisa: And you're constantly flouting the law.
Homer: I'm willing to change my mind and that makes me great.

(Trying to start the car) It won't start! I'll have to use Homer's AAA card. (Looks at the card) "American Applesauce Association"?

If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they would have a tummy full of pocket garbage.

Oh my special little guy! I'm so glad you're okay.
(Homer kisses Bart)
Homer And I'm so glad you taste like hotdogs!

</i> Marge

(lost in the corn maze)
Marge: Maybe we should split up.
Homer: Split up? Marge, no, we can fix this marriage!
Marge: No, no, I didn't mean--
Homer: Fine, you want out? Then go, I can make it on my own! Before I met you, I had friends and dreams!
Marge: I was talking about--
Homer: Oh, please take me back! (sobbing) The dating scene is a nightmare! I'm begging you!
Marge: I just meant we should split up to get out of this corn maze.
Homer: Deep down, I-- I guess I knew that.
Marge: Now, there must be a way out.
Homer: Of our marriage? I don't want to live! (runs off screaming)
Marge: (grumbles)
Homer: (offscreen) Hey, this maze is made of corn.

Marge: Homer, I think you dominoed this.
Homer: That's ridiculous. If I had set up those dominoes I'd be wearing my special domino-setting-up knee pads.
(lifts pant legs to reveal he's wearing Dominex knee pads)

Marge: Just come back alive, okay?
Homer: Don't tell me how to do my job!

Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.

(Homer and Marge are having difficulty "snuggling")
Homer: Something has changed, but I can't figure out what. (gasps) Our mattress! I traded it to the Lovejoys!
Marge: You traded our mattress? I had my secret cash in it!
Homer: Oh, that's long gone, baby, long gone. (shows her a bling necklace with "Mattress $$$" spelled out in gold and diamonds) It was made for Elvis, but he found it tacky.

Homer: Look, we're just gonna take our mattress, do a quick sweep of the medicine chest and we're outta here. (Does a sneaking effect sound of a high-hat cymbal.)
Marge: Homer!
Homer: (Stops hi-hat effect) Sorry.

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!