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The-simpsons

The only husband of Selma's I ever liked was Disco Stu. He was so upbeat until he found out she didn't like disco music.

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.

Comic Book Guy: How do you know the bride?
Marge: I'm her sister, you?
Comic Book Guy: I bought her ping pong table off cragislist. Color yourself slighted.

Marge: Just cause everyone else is doing the wave doesn't mean you have to.
Homer: No one else is doing it. I'm trying to start it.

Marge: Remember, on the road the only vice you can indulge in is gluttony. Save lust and rage for me and the kids.
Homer: Honey, don't worry, I'm gonna come back so horny and angry.

According to this live blog, Ben Stiller and Jack Black are doing a bit that will not end.

Marge: You guys went gray yourselves.
Selma: No we didn't, this is just smoke and ash.

Go out on a Tuesday? Who am I, Charlie Sheen?

Bart: I'll buy the white wine.
Marge: You can't buy white wine!
Bart: Why not? Are you having red meat?

Marge: Why do you have to eat have to eat peanuts in the shower?
Homer: It gives me the fresh circus feeling in the morning.

(Trying to start the car) It won't start! I'll have to use Homer's AAA card. (Looks at the card) "American Applesauce Association"?

Marge: (to Homer) We have to take in Mr. Brockman. He wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap.
Homer: Oh, sure! Put down a simple guy like me who works hard and plays by the rules!
Bart: Dad, you barely go to work at all.
Lisa: And you're constantly flouting the law.
Homer: I'm willing to change my mind and that makes me great.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 560 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito.

Homer

I'm married to the sea, and I'm seeing two of the great lakes on the side. I won't say which ones but it's ERIE how SUPERIOR they are.

Sea Captain
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