No more TV! We're going to get some fresh air and visit a museum. Of television!

Lisa: They're using pancakes as spoons.
Marge: Ooh let's see what else they do wrong.

Marge: What if we roll pennies and go to the dollar store?
Homer: That's good, Marge. Get all the terrible ideas out of your system.

Marge: How come they never call me fun mom?
Homer: A family's like a team. On every team you have the slam dunking mega star and the referee.

Marge: I take your sugary sweets and give you healthy items...
Bart: This is exactly why kids need a union.

Edna: We have shirts from other high schools.
Marge: Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.

I do have a place you can go, where a man with sadistic man with government experience can feel right at home.

Wayne: Homer is implanted with several high powerful traffic devices.
Marge: How did that happen?
Wayne: I left them in a bowl and he ate them.

Wayne: Your town appears on no maps or charts.
Homer: Yeah, they couldn't find a Google map photo without me naked or urinating.
Marge: And when there was a map makers convention here, we all got Lou Gerig's disease.
Homer: Not the one you're thinking of though, there's another one.

What brought you to Springfield, was it our Frito Lay distribution center?

Homer: My doctor said don't walk.
Marge: That was a traffic signal!

You can never raise a hand to a child. Just stop cutting the crust off their sandwiches. They'll get the message.

The Simpsons Quotes

The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!