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The-simpsons

The only husband of Selma's I ever liked was Disco Stu. He was so upbeat until he found out she didn't like disco music.

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.

Comic Book Guy: How do you know the bride?
Marge: I'm her sister, you?
Comic Book Guy: I bought her ping pong table off cragislist. Color yourself slighted.

Marge: Just cause everyone else is doing the wave doesn't mean you have to.
Homer: No one else is doing it. I'm trying to start it.

Marge: Remember, on the road the only vice you can indulge in is gluttony. Save lust and rage for me and the kids.
Homer: Honey, don't worry, I'm gonna come back so horny and angry.

According to this live blog, Ben Stiller and Jack Black are doing a bit that will not end.

Marge: You guys went gray yourselves.
Selma: No we didn't, this is just smoke and ash.

Go out on a Tuesday? Who am I, Charlie Sheen?

Bart: I'll buy the white wine.
Marge: You can't buy white wine!
Bart: Why not? Are you having red meat?

Marge: Why do you have to eat have to eat peanuts in the shower?
Homer: It gives me the fresh circus feeling in the morning.

(Trying to start the car) It won't start! I'll have to use Homer's AAA card. (Looks at the card) "American Applesauce Association"?

Marge: (to Homer) We have to take in Mr. Brockman. He wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap.
Homer: Oh, sure! Put down a simple guy like me who works hard and plays by the rules!
Bart: Dad, you barely go to work at all.
Lisa: And you're constantly flouting the law.
Homer: I'm willing to change my mind and that makes me great.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 560 in total

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The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

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