Marge: This is the stupidest fight ever!
Homer: We've had stupider!

Lisa: Sometimes i wish strangling your kid was still legal.
Marge: Not since they passed Homer's Law.

Homer: How would you like to have future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future this is now?
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

No more TV! We're going to get some fresh air and visit a museum. Of television!

Lisa: They're using pancakes as spoons.
Marge: Ooh let's see what else they do wrong.

Marge: What if we roll pennies and go to the dollar store?
Homer: That's good, Marge. Get all the terrible ideas out of your system.

Marge: How come they never call me fun mom?
Homer: A family's like a team. On every team you have the slam dunking mega star and the referee.

Marge: I take your sugary sweets and give you healthy items...
Bart: This is exactly why kids need a union.

Edna: We have shirts from other high schools.
Marge: Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.

I do have a place you can go, where a man with sadistic man with government experience can feel right at home.

Wayne: Homer is implanted with several high powerful traffic devices.
Marge: How did that happen?
Wayne: I left them in a bowl and he ate them.

Wayne: Your town appears on no maps or charts.
Homer: Yeah, they couldn't find a Google map photo without me naked or urinating.
Marge: And when there was a map makers convention here, we all got Lou Gerig's disease.
Homer: Not the one you're thinking of though, there's another one.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.