I don't care for silent auctions. It just encourages hovering.

Homer: That's one way to avoid drunk driving.
Marge: Another way is don't drink.
Homer: I'm not Superman.

Just once I'd like your father to be on a Jumbotron for something good.

This date night was even worse than the date night we saw Date Night.

Marge: Homer, I'm a single mother, trying to raise a family here.
Homer: But you're not-
Marge: Just zip it.

Homer: Now that's what I call a snappy retort.
Marge: Stop saying what you call things! I'm trying to watch the movie.

Marge: This is the stupidest fight ever!
Homer: We've had stupider!

Lisa: Sometimes i wish strangling your kid was still legal.
Marge: Not since they passed Homer's Law.

Homer: How would you like to have future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future this is now?
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

No more TV! We're going to get some fresh air and visit a museum. Of television!

Lisa: They're using pancakes as spoons.
Marge: Ooh let's see what else they do wrong.

Marge: What if we roll pennies and go to the dollar store?
Homer: That's good, Marge. Get all the terrible ideas out of your system.

The Simpsons Quotes

Lincoln, Lincoln. I've been thinkin'. What the hell have you've been drinkin'? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my gosh. It's turpentine!

Bart & Lisa

Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to "Evil."

Repairman