Marge: I'm a Schwarzenegger wife!
Homer: But you're also the housekeeper. so it's all good.

Marge: I feel kind of melancholy.
Homer: Hmm...melon-collie.

He's like a husband in a widow's memory, perfect.

Accidental motherhood is the best thing that can happen to a woman.

Homer: Listen, we swore we'd never go to sleep angry at each other.
Marge: I'm not going to sleep.
Homer: Well you didn't have two beers with your lunch.

The most romantic part of this was the hold music when I made the reservation.

Waiter: I hope you are enjoying your sushi.
Marge: It's as yummy as your poorly produced local commercial says.

Marge: I think I hear a slight accent.
Woman: Mid-Atlantic.
Marge: *gasp* That's where they filmed The Wire! Step on it!

Homer: Marge, this is it. TEOTWAWKI.
Marge: The end of the world as we know it?!?

Bart: He's alive!
Marge: And he didn't pee on the floor.
Grampa: For me that's a perfect day.

The kids are a mess. You brought them home exhausted and pretentious.

Marge: You're all bald.
Homer: No, I'm young person cool-bald. Not old person sad-bald.

The Simpsons Quotes

Lincoln, Lincoln. I've been thinkin'. What the hell have you've been drinkin'? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my gosh. It's turpentine!

Bart & Lisa

Lisa's Brain: Poor predictable Bart. Always takes 'rock'.
Bart's Brain: Good ol' 'rock'. Nuthin' beats that!
Bart: Rock!
Lisa: Paper.
Bart: D'oh!