Waiter: I hope you are enjoying your sushi.
Marge: It's as yummy as your poorly produced local commercial says.

Marge: I think I hear a slight accent.
Woman: Mid-Atlantic.
Marge: *gasp* That's where they filmed The Wire! Step on it!

Homer: Marge, this is it. TEOTWAWKI.
Marge: The end of the world as we know it?!?

Bart: He's alive!
Marge: And he didn't pee on the floor.
Grampa: For me that's a perfect day.

The kids are a mess. You brought them home exhausted and pretentious.

Marge: You're all bald.
Homer: No, I'm young person cool-bald. Not old person sad-bald.

I don't care for silent auctions. It just encourages hovering.

Homer: That's one way to avoid drunk driving.
Marge: Another way is don't drink.
Homer: I'm not Superman.

Just once I'd like your father to be on a Jumbotron for something good.

This date night was even worse than the date night we saw Date Night.

Marge: Homer, I'm a single mother, trying to raise a family here.
Homer: But you're not-
Marge: Just zip it.

Homer: Now that's what I call a snappy retort.
Marge: Stop saying what you call things! I'm trying to watch the movie.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.