Homie, the fantasy draft just ended. I got you five kickers. It is called football, right?

Homer: Marge, did you replace our regular mirror with a magical mirror from a mystical salesman at a weird store that if we went back to find it it wouldn't be there anymore?
Marge: No
Homer: AAAAHHH!!

Homer: Marge, who would give up eating steak in the matrix to go slurp goo in Zion?
Marge: We don't have that movie here.

Marge:You can live with your no good son.
Bart: Hey, what did I do?
Marge: Nothing for thirty years. You're perfect for each other.

Homer: I am as healthy as a horse.
Marge: Horses only live thirty years.

Bart's usually first in line for taco night, but now he's muy tarde. Is it alright to say tarde?

Homer: Pressure is how you make your beloved diamonds, Marge.
Marge: I don't have any diamonds.
Homer: Quit pressuring me!

Marge: Don't you think the parts that aren't evil, are a little...pretentious.
Bart: Absolutely...we're talking about Lisa, right?

Lisa: How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it?
Marge: What did I say about pointing out the meaninglessness of things?
Lisa: Not to.

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I'm afraid wives don't make passes at husbands who wear those glasses.

Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen. But sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. Our house is very odd that way.

Bart sweetie, this is an opportunity for you to turn things around...yet again. And I believe in you...yet again.

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!