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(Michael and Fat Tony invite the Simpson family over for dinner.)
Marge: We'd love to! You know, I've never met you wife.
Fat Tony: Sadly, my Anna Maria was whacked by natural causes.
Marge: Oh, you're a widower.
Fat Tony: I bring flowers to her grave every Sunday.
Marge: Ooh, flowers every week! I wish I was dead.
- Permalink: We'd love to! You know, I've never met you wife. Sadly, my Ann...
Homer: Bart's having girl troubles. You'd better go talk to him.
Marge: It's clown troubles, that's your responsibility!
Homer: I thought I was in charge of bedtime stories and pets dying!
Marge: Yeah, well we're adding clowns.
Homer: Oh, fine! But you just bought yourself ear piercing and strange new feelings!
- Permalink: Bart's having girl troubles. You'd better go talk to him. It's...
Marge: Homer, look what I found in your mother's things.
(Marge gives Homer a DVD)
Homer: A donut from the future?
- Permalink: Homer, look what I found in your mother's things. A donut fr...
Marge: My purse is made of hemp. If we burn it, the silly smoke will mellow out those guards.
Lisa: We could ignite it with these crystal earrings Grandma gave me.
Marge: I thought she gave you her rebellious spirit.
Lisa: I found them on her nightstand.
(Marge gives her a look)
Lisa: What?! Bart got a Swiss army knife!
- Permalink: My purse is made of hemp. If we burn it, the silly smoke will m...
Mona: For Marge, I leave this handbag, made of nature's finest material, hemp.
Marge: (Sniffs bag) Smells like concerts!
- Permalink: For Marge, I leave this handbag, made of nature's finest materia...
Marge: (To Bart) Say something comforting.
Bart: Okay, comforting, comforting. Uh, Dad? Whenever I would hang out with Grandma she would always ask me about you and I'd say, "You suck." And she would say, "You don't suck that bad."
Homer: She said I didn't suck?
Bart: That bad.
Homer: That bad. Wow.
- Permalink: Say something comforting. Okay, comforting, comforting. Uh, Da...
Call me old-fashioned, but I usually don't like movies that humiliate our family in front of the world.
- Permalink: Call me old-fashioned, but I usually don't like movies that humi...
Marge: Thank God they're not jeering at us anymore.
Homer: I know. (pause) Kinda miss it.
Bart: I know! We'll be in another movie. And this time we'll act really bad!
Marge: No more Simpsons movies! One was plenty.
- Permalink: Thank God they're not jeering at us anymore. I know. Kinda mi...
(Marge tracks down Lurleen's father.)
Marge: Hello. Are you Royce Lumpkin?
Royce: That's right.
Marge: The father of Lurleen Lumpkin?
Royce: Lurleen? (sighs) I ain't seen my little girl in 30 years. She must be what, uh, 12, 13 by now?
Marge: She's 34, and she's having a rough time!
Royce: Oh, man. I better whiskey up these corn flakes. (pours whiskey in his cereal)
Marge: She needs to see you right away!
Royce: Aw, man. I better heroin up this orange juice. (shoots contents of a syringe into his glass)
- Permalink: Hello. Are you Royce Lumpkin? That's right. The father of Lu...
(to Lurleen) If you ever come near Homer again, I'll strangle you with your own hair extensions. That's right, I know.
- Permalink: If you ever come near Homer again, I'll strangle you with your o...
(about Lurleen) She turned down Lenny and Carl? That's like somebody who doesn't like hamburgers or hotdogs! What could make her hate men like that?
- Permalink: She turned down Lenny and Carl? That's like somebody who doesn't...
(Bart sees Lisa taking second-hand smoke and calls home.)
Homer: Yello. She what?! Oh, my God! Well, I'm going to settle this once and for all! Meet me at that place we discussed. (Hangs up)
Marge: Who was that?
Homer: Wrong number.
- Permalink: Yello. She what?! Oh, my God! Well, I'm going to settle this onc...