Bonnie: "This food is so f*cking good Lois."
Lois: "Oh ok...wow."

"Well, laundrium insertum!"

Lois:Oh my god, not that guy. Isn't he the one that beats her?
Peter: Yea, but she's gotten a LOT better.

Lois: Is it a blood diamond?
Peter: Only the bloodiest.

Peter: Hey, check it out! It's another chick! The only other chick in the galaxy!
Lois: I don't like her.

Peter: Who braided your hair? Did the Ewoks braid your hair? So they use spears with wooden tips but understand the finer points of cosmetology?
Lois: I know...it's not as good as Empire.

I'm from Alderaan. It's kind of the Mississippi of the galaxy.

Well, can we at least do some Muppet-style sight-seeing first?

Lois: Not a lot of people of color here but the ones that are black are really black.
Bonnie: I noticed that.

Chris: Aunt Carol, Mom says you'd make a great Florida whore, what does that mean?
Lois: Oh haha haha, Chris, I said that about Kate Hudson!
Stewie: You know, I always thought I'd make a great Florida whore.

Meg: Mom, she's so sad and lonely.
Lois: Look who the bleep is talking!

Brian: Good morning everyone!
Lois: Ah crap, he's in love again.

Family Guy Quotes

Now I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I am not sir, and that sir, is an idiot.

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley