Lois Griffin Quotes
Lois: Peter, you left the flap open!
Peter: It's like a thousand degrees in here, Lois!
Lois: Close the tent now, it's freezing!
Peter: Headline: "Woman Cold."
Peter: Guys, be sure to look down the whole time. It's really deep and freaky and disoritenting! [falls] It's okay, there'a huge pile of dead bodies down here that cushioned my fall.
Lois: Do any of them seem like they have any extra tampons in their backpack?
Peter Uh, no.
Lois: No like you checked and there aren't any no, or no you're just assuming?
Peter: I'm embarassed.
Hey, it's cooked food in another house. That's exciting for light older women like me.
Lois: Peter, will you stop being so jealous? I dated Ross 20 years ago.
Peter: That's right, that means he had you first, Lois. I'll always be Scottie Pippen to his Michael Jordan.
Lois: Wow, congratulations on your grand re-opening, Mort! Looks like your customers are coming back!
Mort: Thanks, Lois! It's good to be up and gouging again!
Peter: I put our family on the map tonight. No longer will we be just those faceless nobodys who brought the bird flu to Quahog.
Lois: You know, there's something seriously wrong with the man who always puts his friends over his family.
Brian: Come on, Lois, I think you're overreacting. What's so wrong about a guy hanging out with his buddies?
Lois: Buddies? You're one of his buddies?
Brian: Yeah, and you know why? 'Cause I don't try to tell what he can and can't do.
Lois: Oh, please, Brian. You're just two people living in the same house. If you didn't, you'd never hang out with each other in a million years. He owns you. You're his property.
Lois: How could you do this? You have a family!
Peter: For once, could you visit me in jail and not criticize me?
"Look at them, they're getting along like Billy Bob Thornton and his cat!"
Eric: "Hi! I'm a nude vampire."
Alcide: "Hi! I'm a nude werewolf."
Sookie: "And that's the show!"
Lois: "Peter, come down! That gay show you like is on."
"I have three very wide-eyed children to feed."Thief
"If you think I'm going to masturbate after this tonight...you're right!"Chris
Ida: "Oh my, maybe it's time for us girls to hit the powder room."
Lois: "You may hit the yard."