Lois: You guys shouldn't have done this!
Stewie: Hey, any time you can celebrate the end of someone's periods.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Bonnie. I've put Stewie in the oven a bunch of times. As long as you come to your senses within 15 minutes, everything's fine.

Lois: He seems nice.
Peter: Sorry, I missed all that. I was tweeting.

Lois: And this is Meg's brother Chris.
Kent: Oh yeah, I've seen you around school. You eat with the deaf kids, right?
Chris: One of them isn't all the way deaf.
Kent: What grade are you in again?
Chris: It's still being worked out by a team of counselors.

Meg, are you asking in this day and age, when the CEO of Xerox is a woman, when the president of Brazil is a woman, even Rosie O'Donnell is a woman, whether it's appropriate for a girl to ask a boy out on a date? Of course it's appropriate! It's also sad and desperate and I would never do it, but you're not me, are you sweetie?

Honey, give me any laundry you have. I'm doing a diapers-and-Meg load.

Lois: We made it! We proved that we're not second best!
Ross Fishman: Well, look who finally got here!
Lois: You beat us?
Pam Fishman: Don't feel too bad. We only beat you by one hour, twelve minutes, and forty-two seconds.
Ross: And quite frankly, we're bored of it up here. So you guys enjoy it, we're gonna head back down.

Lois: Peter, you left the flap open!
Peter: It's like a thousand degrees in here, Lois!
Lois: Close the tent now, it's freezing!
Peter: Headline: "Woman Cold."

Peter: Guys, be sure to look down the whole time. It's really deep and freaky and disoritenting! [falls] It's okay, there'a huge pile of dead bodies down here that cushioned my fall.
Lois: Do any of them seem like they have any extra tampons in their backpack?
Peter Uh, no.
Lois: No like you checked and there aren't any no, or no you're just assuming?
Peter: I'm embarassed.

Hey, it's cooked food in another house. That's exciting for light older women like me.

Lois: Peter, will you stop being so jealous? I dated Ross 20 years ago.
Peter: That's right, that means he had you first, Lois. I'll always be Scottie Pippen to his Michael Jordan.

Lois: Wow, congratulations on your grand re-opening, Mort! Looks like your customers are coming back!
Mort: Thanks, Lois! It's good to be up and gouging again!

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois