Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Lois (Leia): (to Luke) Aren't you a little fat to be a storm trooper?
Chris (Luke): Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch.
Lois (Leia): Wait! Who are you?
Chris (Luke): I'm Luke Skywalker. Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you.
Lois (Leia): Wait! Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Chris (Luke): Yeah. Suddenly I'm not so fat, huh?

(Power goes out, the whole family gasps)
Lois: Oh my god, the power's out.
Chris: What are we gonna do now?
Brian: Well, we could light some candles and read.
(rest of the family pauses before breaking out in laughter)
Chris: Yeah right.
Stewie: Yeah that'd be great.
Peter: Yeah, read the inside of my butt.

Lois (Princess Leia): Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. All right, now what do I click?
Cleveland (R2-D2): Click "Preferences".
Lois (Princess Leia): OK, I've clicked "Preferences".
Cleveland (R2-D2): Now go to "Default Media Browser".
Lois (Princess Leia): OK...there's a little hourglass and it's...it's not letting me do anything. It...it says "Buffering", what is that?
Cleveland (R2-D2): Just give it a minute.
Lois (Princess Leia): All I'm trying to do is make an MPEG!
Cleveland (R2-D2): All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute!
Lois (Princess Leia): OK, relax.
Cleveland (R2-D2): Now click "Import Video File".
Lois (Princess Leia): All right. It's...it's telling me I have to download Real Player 7.
Cleveland (R2-D2): You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself.

Lois: Meg, stop staring at Mr. Griffin. I'm sorry Peter, I'm afraid she has her father's libido.
Quagmire: What can I say? I'm a Vagittarius. Oh!
Chris, Meg, and Stewie: (all laugh) Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity.

Molly Ringwald: Hey, did you guys hear on the news about President Gore hunting down and killing Osama Bin Laden with his bare hands?
Lois: I know! Who would have thought Bin Laden was hiding out in the cast of MADtv?
Quagmire: Man, the perfect hiding spot. The one place no one would look.

Lois: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt! And I won't let Quagmire, or any man, she-male, robot, or sentient robot, curious about it's own existence keep us apart!

Lois: Peter used to be so passionate, but now he doesn't seem to be interested in me.
Quagmire: Lois, if I may, Peter doesn't you. As a friend, I think you deserve to be with someone who knows how to be a gentleman.
Lois: Oh, Glen. You're so sweet. (They embrace) Something's poking me.
Quagmire: It's alright. It's just my wang.

(Lois walks out of Quagmire's house to pick up a letter from the mailbox)
Peter: Lois, what the hell? I'm gone for one night and you sleep with Quagmire?!
Lois: Mr. Griffin, what I do with my husband is none of your business.
Peter: Husband?
Quagmire: Morning, Pete. Hope you and Molly can still join us for dinner tonight. Baby, Let's go play "Schoolgirl & Guy Who Has Sex With Schoolgirl".
(Lois giggles)

Lois: Oh you guys, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your hard work. It's really gonna make a difference with my campaign.
Peter: Hey Lois, take a look. I just made five hundred tee shirts that say "Vote For Lois, unless you're queer. No, wait, even if you're queer. No Jews, though. Okay, Jews."

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