Lois Griffin Quotes
Lois: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt! And I won't let Quagmire, or any man, she-male, robot, or sentient robot, curious about it's own existence keep us apart!
- Permalink: Peter, what are you doing? I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt! And...
Lois: Peter used to be so passionate, but now he doesn't seem to be interested in me.
Quagmire: Lois, if I may, Peter doesn't you. As a friend, I think you deserve to be with someone who knows how to be a gentleman.
Lois: Oh, Glen. You're so sweet. (They embrace) Something's poking me.
Quagmire: It's alright. It's just my wang.
- Permalink: Peter used to be so passionate, but now he doesn't seem to be in...
(Lois walks out of Quagmire's house to pick up a letter from the mailbox)
Peter: Lois, what the hell? I'm gone for one night and you sleep with Quagmire?!
Lois: Mr. Griffin, what I do with my husband is none of your business.
Quagmire: Morning, Pete. Hope you and Molly can still join us for dinner tonight. Baby, Let's go play "Schoolgirl & Guy Who Has Sex With Schoolgirl".
- Permalink: Lois, what the hell? I'm gone for one night and you sleep with Q...
Lois: Oh you guys, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your hard work. It's really gonna make a difference with my campaign.
Peter: Hey Lois, take a look. I just made five hundred tee shirts that say "Vote For Lois, unless you're queer. No, wait, even if you're queer. No Jews, though. Okay, Jews."
- Permalink: Oh you guys, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your ...
Chris: (rings doorbell, person answers) Hi, I'm going door to door to campaign on behalf of Lois Griffin, who's offering real change for the city of Quahog. May we count on your vote next Tuesday?
(Camera pans to show Lois standing in the doorway)
Lois: Chris, this is our house.
Chris: Ah, then what is for dinner?
Lois: Pork chops.
Lois: Chris, have you been to any other houses?
Chris: I have not.
Lois: Would you like to come in?
- Permalink: Hi, I'm going door to door to campaign on behalf of Lois Griffin...
Lois: And I think we all realize the importance of stopping the environmental damage being done to Lake Quahog. Which is why I'm proposing a very modest tax increase that will help us to--
(crowd begins to boo loudly)
Man #1: No, no, no, that's awful, no, no, no, I'm not okay with that.
Man #2: (chanting) No new taxes!
Crowd: No new taxes! No new taxes! No new taxes!
Lois: But... what about the terrorists?
(entire crowd gasps)
Lois: That's right, terrorists. We have intelligence that suggests that... Hitler... is plotting... with, with the Legion of Doom... to assassinate Jesus. Using the lake as a base.
- Permalink: And I think we all realize the importance of stopping the enviro...
Chris (moaning): Mom, how long do we have to wear these wigs?
Lois: Until our hair grows back, Chris.
Meg: Dad, you couldn't have gotten us anything more stylish?
Stewie: I don't think it's so bad, I feel rather like Mozart.
Brian: Hey Stewie, play Haydn.
(Stewie plays toy piano, Meg, Lois, and Chris laugh and clap)
Brian: Now play Handel.
(Stewie plays again, gets cheers from Meg, Lois and Chris)
Peter: Play Peter Griffin.
Stewie: Ah, now that is a challenge.
- Permalink: Mom, how long do we have to wear these wigs? Until our hair gr...
Lois: What is it?
Adam: (quietly) A bee just flew in through the window. Don't move.
(The bee sits in the mayor's chair)
Bee: Hmm. Now look who's mayor. First order of business; free honey for everyone! Yay, Mayor Bee, Mayor Bee, Mayor Bee--OW! Oh, done stung myself. Bye world...
- Permalink: What is it? A bee just flew in through the window. Don't move...
Lois: Hey you guys.
Chris: Mom, everyone on TV says you're running the town great. Maybe you could do some damn laundry once in a while.
- Permalink: Hey you guys. Mom, everyone on TV says you're running the town...