Robin: I'm sorry I don't have time for your drama right now, my fiancé is missing.
Lily: Marshall got picked to be a judge. He took the job without even asking me. Italy's off.
Robin: I have time for your drama.

The no more surprises thing is the best part of being married.

Barney: Truth is, I only know of one truly platonic relationship.
Lily: You and me.
Barney: Don't make me laugh Lily. You want to hit this so hard.

Yes I'm in a rotten mood. No I don't want to talk about it. Yes this has booze in it. No it's not my first.

Lily: I'm not paying for room service The Hooker ordered.
Barney: I've been there.

Choose your wife, you always choose your wife.

Lily: Prove to me you can make a female friend. What about her?
Robin: Ugh the girl with the bangs? Any chick who does that to her hair is going through a big life transition I don't want to hear about. Next time grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth. I'll pass.
Lily: Ok well what about her?
Robin: Ugh, comfortable shoes? What are you filibustering later? It's after five, put on some heels. I'll pass.

Lily: Face it Robin, you hate women and women hate you.
Marshall: Ted didn't go to his prom? Classic.

Why say goodbye to the good things?

Lily: Are you my guy Linus?
Linus: So you want the Kennedy package?

Man you're fast when you're drunk!

You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing, it's sad.

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney