Edmunds: In the meantime, what do I tell the Colombian ambassador?
Gibbs: You're a diplomat....
Vance: ....say something diplomatic.

Orlando: I came here because I have a family. I know how you cowboys work. Shoot first, ask questions later. My children are more important to me than my entire empire. I'm not willing to risk them getting cruise missle'd coming home from school one day. I want them to learn how to read, not how to scan the skies looking for drones. So, you win.
Gibbs: Just like that.
Orlando: I was retiring anyway. I was announcing it at that meeting you tried to crash.

Bishop: By all means, stretch your legs, Tim. Keep the monotony out of monogamy.
Tony: By cheating?
Bishop: No. Just words.
McGee: Elaborate.
Bishop: Harmless practice for later use on your actual flirt. Practice makes perfect. Look, what I'm saying is....
Gibbs: Keep the tool sharp.
Bishop: See, Gibbs knows what I'm talking about.
Gibbs: Ah, I got no idea.

Ducky: My mind has been scattered with grandfatherly worries.
Gibbs: Grandfather?
Ducky: Mr. Palmer has declared when the child is of speaking age, she will call me "Grand-Ducky".

Gibbs: Give him an activity. McGee does it for you.
Senior: Junior. You there?
Tony: Hey dad. Listen we'll work on that paper thing but I really need you to do something for me.
Senior: You do?
Tony: Yeah. I need you to re-caulk my tub.
Senior: You mean like a handy-man kind of thing?
Tony: Yeah that's it. Sort of an emergency, I heard it on the news. There's a recall on the caulking I used.
Senior: You're kidding!
Tony: No, no. Causes athlete's foot. Nasty. I know you've got a lot on your mind--
Senior: Oh that's all right. I'll be fine. I can handle it.
Tony: Well thanks a million, dad.
Senior: See you son.
Gibbs: Works like a charm.

Gibbs: You know I've got a friend. He paid his dad's hotel bill once, because his dad couldn't cover it. And I said to my friend, I said "why'd you do that? Your dad never did anything for you". The look on his face. Never seen anything like it. There was more love on his face than I ever saw. I guess that his dad meant more to him than he knew.
Aziz: What does that have to do with anything?

Gibbs: You need something Bishop.
Bishop: Nope. I'm good.
Gibbs: Wasn't a question.
Bishop: Deep undercover work, like Tony did years ago. Hypothetically, would you ever put me in that position?
Gibbs: That's tough to answer.
Bishop: I'm only saying....I know the big picture. Eventually, everyone's time comes. And I understand and accept that.
Gibbs: Forget the big picture. Look at everything close up.
Bishop: Do you think that working undercover for so long affected your marriage?
Gibbs: Go home to Jake, Bishop.

Tony: We can handle it.
Gibbs: What?
Tony: Bishop and I can handle the interviews. It might be better.
Gibbs: Better? What's better, DiNozzo? What are you trying to say? Spit it out.
Tony: Well your bedside manner might be....you might be too close to this.
Ducky: He's saying take a breath, Jethro! It's good advice for all of us.

Gibbs: He's going through a tough time.
Emily: Don't soft-pedal me Uncle Gibbs. He looks nuts with that bald head.
Gibbs: It was an undercover operation.
Emily: You don't believe that. Last week he shaved it twice in one day. Says it helps him feel clean. Since mom died he's been angry, bitter, self-destructive. Oh, and drunk. He's drinking way too much. You know what he's experiencing. I've tried to help but he doesn't listen to me and I've got my own grief to work through.
Gibbs: How's that going?
Emily: Some good days, some awful. All compounded by being a teenager who can't be expected to maintain a teenage social calendar if I'm too busy worrying about my father hurting himself or anyone else.
Gibbs: Okay I'll talk to him.
Emily: No. Help him. Please.
Gibbs: I will.

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Fornell: You said we were going after Sergei.
Gibbs: No, no. You said that. I said let's go.
Fornell: Which would imply agreement. What the hell are we doing out here? Wait a minute. An intervention? Is that what this is?
Gibbs: Do you think you need one?
Fornell: No! I mean last night was bad yes, but not bad enough to make any kind of New Age come-to-Jesus even remotely necessary.
Gibbs: Good. That's not what this is. No more slow-motion suicide Tobias. You want to kill yourself, fine with me. Go ahead. I'll even come with you.

Fornell: I'm done.
Gibbs: You're done -- with what? Embarrassing yourself? Or you mean embarrassing the badge. You've done a good job with both. [Fornell punches Gibbs]
Gibbs: That all you got, Alice? [Fornell swings again and Gibbs shoves him through the door]

Gibbs: Do you feel better?
Fornell: We should be in D.C. looking for Sergei.
Gibbs: Not in this condition. Forget about Sergei. What's really bothering you?
Fornell: Don't Freud me Gibbs. You're not qualified.
Gibbs: You know what I'm asking.
Fornell: Back off.
Gibbs: You blame me.
Fornell: Jethro...
Gibbs: It's okay Tobias. I blame me. I'm the one who got her killed. If Diane wasn't on that rooftop she would be alive. And you wouldn't be walking around pretending like I wasn't the one who put her there.
Fornell: So it's all about you.
Gibbs: Yeah. It is all about me. And it's about you. And it's about Diane, and it's about the drinking and it's about all of it.
Fornell: No, my friend. It's just me. I killed her. No one to blame but myself. And I really need a drink.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott