You’ve just said more to me about how you feel in the last two minutes than in all the time that I’ve known you. If that’s not a new you, I don’t know what is.

Grace Confalone [to Gibbs]

Bishop [about Ducky and Jimmy]: To think they actually enjoy this!
Gibbs: Ha! Face it -- we *all* enjoy this.

McGee: Why’d you have to swing so hard?
Gibbs: Why’d you have to have to break my wood carving?

McGee: Well, we went from a snowball’s chance in hell of getting out of here to a--
Gibbs: --snowball’s chance in Arizona.

Gibbs: It’s strictly voluntary.
McGee: I’m good.
Gibbs: Well, you got new responsibilities.
McGee: Boss, I appreciate that, but… don’t forget, I’m an NCIS Special Agent.

McGee: What did Bishop say?
Gibbs: We should go to church.
Torres: Oh, my mom would be so happy right now…

Jimmy: I know you like me, too.
Gibbs [ominously]: Oh, yeah.
Jimmy: Growing less and less certain by the second.

Bishop: Courtesy of Facebook, we learned that Dean once sailed across the Pacific. Alone.
McGee: Before that, he summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, also alone.
Torres: A man after my own hear. Except for the mountain climbing and sailing. And, uh, Meat Loaf.
Bishop: Hey, I like Meat Loaf.
Gibbs: Why are we talking about Meat Loaf? We got a theory or not?!

Commander, your ship is an active crime scene. The only place it’s going is back to Norfolk!

McGee: There’s an entire American sub-culture devoted to bone collecting.
Bishop: How do you know that?
Gibbs: He dated Abby!

Nelson: My carbon footprint is very low.
Gibbs: Aside from smoking like a chimney.
Nelson: That’s the only reason I got busted.
McGee: You lit up in a public place, it’s against the law.
Nelson: Apparently, horses can smell prime kush for miles!

Gibbs: That’s a new lock!
Sgt. Dawson: About as secure as a screen door on a submarine.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.