Penny: It's so strange. No matter how thoughtless and selfish he is, I still love him.
Leonard: If you think about it, he has kind of been our practice kid.
Penny: Like, when you make pancakes and the first one comes out a little wonky?

Sheldon: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Penny: What?
Leonard: He thinks you're sick.
Penny: Oh. Should we tell him?
Leonard: If we don't, he might try to jump out of the plane.
Penny: Doesn't answer my question.

Leonard: What kind of DNA is this anyway?
Sheldon: I was trying to design the genetic code of an advanced race of human being. One of my rare failures actually.
Leonard: What went wrong?
Sheldon: The balls kept sticking to my pants.

This might be the glue talking but that was a very pleasurable hundred and thirty-nine and a half hours.

Leonard: I'm done enabling him. Like, this is HIS spot. And the thermostat has to be set to his comfort level even though he doesn't even live here anymore and I'm always chilly.
Raj: Is that why you wear a hoodie all the time?
Leonard: YES.

You need to focus on the positive. You won a Nobel Prize. I slapped Sheldon. A lot of dreams came true today!

Sheldon: This is a nightmare!
Penny: What's with him?
Leonard: He won a Nobel Prize and his wife looks amazing.
Penny: Oh, yeah. Got it.

Sheldon: Hmmm... what kind of tea is appropriate for winning a Nobel Prize and now everything is changing and you feel unmoored from reality?
Leonard: I dunno. Earl Grey?

You have your whole life to smack him around. This is MY time!

Penny: Should we wake him up?
Leonard: Well, he did say if he fell asleep we were allowed to slap him awake.
Penny: Oh boy!

Penny: Leonard? Coffee?
Leonard: Black and strong like Luke Cage.
Penny: I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.

Leonard: I'm not going to make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Koothrappali: Low self esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Denial. See sweetie, the list goes on and on.

TBBT Quotes

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?