Laurie: You have to spend money to make money, right?
Bobby: That's a popular saying, so I believe in it. It's like "Location, Location, Location." I don't know what the hell that means, but man I believe it to the core.

Bobby: Man, my name has got a lot of B's in it.
Laurie: My name doesn't have any B's in it.
Bobby: Sorry I brought it up.

Grayson: That's the dumbest idea Laurie has ever had, and that includes the Gayke Shop.
Laurie: Find me a gay who doesn't like cake!

Jules: Name one thing I've done to Travis that is "meddlesome."
Bobby: Watched him sleep.
Ellie: You scared his girlfriend away.
Laurie: You want to live in his blood.

Bobby: Steak and champagne.
Laurie: I love me some beef and bubbles. Oh! That should be our secret detective names.

You broke Bobby, you fix him. And I'm borrowing this. It's cute.

Ellie: Really Bug Hookers?
Laurie: That's the title!

Do you know who else mates for life? Termites.

Could you imagine if we ever dated. It would be like dropping a bomb on a forest fire.

(to Ellie about Andy) I'm going to beat the optimism out of that man.

Jules: What did he just say?
Laurie: Got me!
Ellie: Razzle dazzle.

You said you'd be mean, but that cut like a knife.