No one who says "coolie" is cool. That's why Coolio is named Coolio.

Ellie: It's for the lady who likes to lounge by the pool, but also get paid for sex.
Laurie: You can do that? Is that a job?

Laurie: I'm gonna say something now that Meredith Baxter Birney has said in every TV movie I have ever seen: "I...will not give up on that boy."

Laurie: What is with the stomach kissing?
Jules: He's trying to jumpstart my uterus!

Laurie: Did you just one night standed by your own son?
Jules: He said we were going to brunch.
Laurie: Oh no.

I don't know exactly what your race is, but I am into it in a big way.

If someone was up on my man like that. I would lace up my ass kicking boots.

Ellie: If I get murdered I need you to tell the police something.
Laurie: Seriously, if I had a dime.

Ellie: You know if they just wanted to see some dumb, townie ho floppin' her ta-tas all they need to do is stay here and give ten dollars to-
Laurie: Yeah, yeah, yeah I know where you're goin' with this.
Ellie: Let me finish. You.

Ellie: Eat your chips, Jellybean.
Laurie: I don't wanna.
Ellie. Play with the bag.

When Smith dumped me. It literally took me months to get back to a place where I could sleep with random dudes to feel good about myself.

Laurie: Wait, why do we have to have coffee over here?
Jules: 'Cause wherever I am is where we have coffee.
Ellie: But this is horrible.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Bonnie: I'm not perfect Jules.
Jules: Really.