Jules: No one gets any wine until they say something nice about Ellie.
Laurie: I'm going to a bar.

Laurie: I almost barfed. Luckily I can control my gag reflex. [Looks at Ellie] Nothing?
Ellie: I don't swing at softballs.

Laurie: What is this? It looks like a smoke detector from a disco.
Ellie: That is a Simon.

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Travis: So, what brings you to the phallus palace?
Laurie: That sounds like a great name for a gay bar.

Hey bro, there is no music in the world that will match what your body is doing.

Stupid Canadian kids and their holes!

Andy: Great, they're grossed out by the thought of us naked.
Ellie: Not us my friend.
Laurie: [Laughing]

Laurie: Ellie, I saw Andy's feet...I'm so sorry.
Ellie: No one understands.

Ellie: I miss being a ho.
Laurie: You want back in? Because we'll take you back.

What I really meant was lose my number, Frodo.

I'm gonna have to throw my "too creepy" flag!

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Ellie, I saw Andy's feet...I'm so sorry.
Ellie: No one understands.

Take OFF the mom goggles!

Laurie