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Cougar Town

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Laurie Keller Quotes (Page 11)

Season 1, Episode 14: "All the Wrong Reasons"

Jules: Would you help us figure out who gets dibs on a guy.
Laurie: Well that's easy, which one of you is pregnant?
Jules: No one.
Laurie: Then I got nothing.
• Rating: Unrated

Grayson: I wish I had a time machine to undo... you.
Laurie: I would also use it to go back and tell my aunt not to give my cousin up for adoption. We're pretty sure she's Dakota Fanning.
Grayson: Yeah, she's not adopted.
• Rating: Unrated

Laurie: Don't look at me. I just can't take seeing you right now.
Grayson: Then it makes total sense to come to a bar I own.
• Rating: Unrated

Season 1, Episode 13: "Stop Dragging My Heart Around"

Laurie: What we did was totally natural like the wind... or not trusting Canadians.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Laurie: I have to admit last was pretty okay
Grayson: That's weird, during it you were vocal how good it was.
Laurie: Yeah, that's because it's not sex to moan, "oh this is okay."
• Rating: Unrated

Season 1, Episode 12: "Scare Easy"

Travis: Are there really women out there that will have sex with me just because they're mad about something?
Laurie: Oh yeah, for sure.
Travis: This is very exciting news.
Laurie: You know there are also girls that will sleep with you because their friends are prettier.
Travis: This just keeps getting better.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1, Episode 11: "Rhino Skin"

Laurie: I wish you could make it simpler.
Grayson: Donkey likes hybrids, health care and homosexuals and elephant likes God.
Laurie: I saw an elephant pray in the circus once.
Grayson: Wow, that's relevant.
Laurie: So both of our votes count the same, right?
Grayson: Yeah, it's a great system.
Laurie: I think it works.
• Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Laurie: If Matt Damon weren't married and if he weren't a movie star and if he lived this town, we would totally date.
Jules: That's a lot of if's.
Ellie: Yeah, not enough.
• Rating: Unrated