Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town

Jules: The sales after Thanksgiving this year are going to be insane. We're talking full on shopping orgy.
Laurie: We are gonna save so much money by spending.

Laurie [to Jules for picture]: Arch your back and stick out your chest
Ellie: And say classy!

Laurie: Dale's not perfect, I mean it's not cool he forges Dan Marino's autograph for a living, but I think he really cares about me, don't you?
Travis: That depends, does he have your name tattooed anywhere on his body?
Laurie: He says he does but I haven't been able to find it

When I want to end it with a guy, I sleep with his best friend... or brother. Brothers are good because if the guy was hot, chances are the brother is too. Best friends are a crap shoot.

Laurie: There's nothing in your purse except three hundred dollars
Jules: That's five hundred, that's my half of a stupid bet bobby bet
Laurie: No, this feels like three hundred. My brother sold pot for six years

Laurie: Hey Grayson, if you were at a BBQ playing drinking games with your buds would you chug a girls beer and hug her sweetly from behind without trying to cop a feel if you weren't in love with her?
Grayson: Please stop coming to my bar

Laurie [about Ellie]: She's hot for a frigid, beastly, elderly woman
Ellie: You think I'm hot
Jules: That worked?
Ellie: Well yeah because if that trashy big lipped slag said it, it might be a little true
Laurie: You think I have big lips? That's really sweet

Jules: You never go all out for a guy?
Laurie: If I really like a guy I'll stop texting while I do him
Ellie: I wish you were my daughter

Ellie: Great, the girl with three toe rings finds it funny
Laurie: Hey one of them is a tattoo

Jules: Do you think that's an appropriate outfit for work?
Laurie: I did just until a second ago
Jules: Fair enough

Jules: You can't wear fake nails on just one hand, it makes you look like a crazy whore
Laurie: I only had four left and this is the hand I smoke with

Displaying quotes 121 - 131 of 131 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!

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