Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Jules: Would you help us figure out who gets dibs on a guy.
Laurie: Well that's easy, which one of you is pregnant?
Jules: No one.
Laurie: Then I got nothing.

Grayson: I wish I had a time machine to undo... you.
Laurie: I would also use it to go back and tell my aunt not to give my cousin up for adoption. We're pretty sure she's Dakota Fanning.
Grayson: Yeah, she's not adopted.

Laurie: Don't look at me. I just can't take seeing you right now.
Grayson: Then it makes total sense to come to a bar I own.

What we did was totally natural like the wind... or not trusting Canadians.

Laurie: I have to admit last was pretty okay
Grayson: That's weird, during it you were vocal how good it was.
Laurie: Yeah, that's because it's not sex to moan, "oh this is okay."

Travis: Are there really women out there that will have sex with me just because they're mad about something?
Laurie: Oh yeah, for sure.
Travis: This is very exciting news.
Laurie: You know there are also girls that will sleep with you because their friends are prettier.
Travis: This just keeps getting better.

Laurie: I wish you could make it simpler.
Grayson: Donkey likes hybrids, health care and homosexuals and elephant likes God.
Laurie: I saw an elephant pray in the circus once.
Grayson: Wow, that's relevant.
Laurie: So both of our votes count the same, right?
Grayson: Yeah, it's a great system.
Laurie: I think it works.

Laurie: If Matt Damon weren't married and if he weren't a movie star and if he lived this town, we would totally date.
Jules: That's a lot of if's.
Ellie: Yeah, not enough.

Jules: It it so much harder to be a single woman.
Laurie: So much harder, do you read Kathy?

Laurie: Am I in a different conversation?
Jules: Almost always.

Jules: In one of our friendship talks, Travis told me she's not even on the pill. Condoms break all the time.
Laurie: Especially if there's piercings involved.
Ellie: Stop, I'm begging you.

Laurie: That's a nice top, but I couldn't wear it because of these puppies. [grabs boobs]
Kylie: Okay....
Ellie: Leave her alone! Hey, that's a nice necklace, are your parents rich?

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 131 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!

Wooo! How can I do woo wrong?

Jules