We're even wearing the same unisex cologne. "Both" by Bruce Jenner.

Jules: Please don't get pregnant!
Laurie: Sometimes 'I love you' is just a trick to get your dress off!

Travis: Why are they taking their jewelry off?
Laurie: Because that's the last stop before a catfight.

Take OFF the mom goggles!

We know that if there's something we can't handle with this kid, we can always lean on you.

Ellie: Stan is a major handful.
Laurie: Bitch please, one of my brother's thought he was a pitbull.

Laurie: Highway to the lady zone, what what.
Ellie: Highway indeed.

Ellie: We're at a public event this is not the place for ear sex and a full body rub down.
Laurie: All you do is take me granted.

Letting you put this green screen in my apartment was one the worst mistakes of my life, and I've went out with Dennis Rodman y’all.

I haven’t hurt this bad since I had to push my childhood home to a gas station. I would give anything to stop.

That’s the first time I've been called a slut in a bad way.

Jules: Hey, does it make me gay if I eat this?
Ellie: I think it does.
Jules: Well I’m doing it anyway.
Laurie: Do you want a fork?