Kevin Walker Quotes
It was me. The "no" vote was me.
I'm not at work. I'm waiting for my husband to finish masturbating.
Nora: You know, some people think women are like wine. They get better when they age.
Kevin: Not the fertility clinics. They tell you not to even consider anyone over twenty-five.
Kevin: Remember that summer I spent in Oaxaca? I came back looking like I'd eaten an entire Backstreet Boy.
Scotty: I hope it wasn't Nick Carter. He's my favorite.
Kevin: Remember that summer I spent in Wahaca? I came back looking like I'd eaten an entire Backstreet Boy.
Scotty: I hope it wasn't Nick Carter, he's my favorite.
Scotty: Promise me you won't say anything to your family about the whole surrogacy thing?
Kevin: Absolutely. Look, I'm terrified once mom finds out, she'll want to choose the surrogate for us.
Scotty: Yeah, I'm terrified once your mom finds out, she's gonna want to be the surrogate for us.
They are so cute together. He's like the baby whisperer.
Kevin: All I'm saying is you're great with kids.
Scotty: Well that's because I live with one.
Nora: Please, please, please. Just be nice tonight. Just be yourselves.
Kevin: Be nice or be ourselves. Which is it?
Kevin: Are we ever going to have sex again?
Scotty: I don't know. I'm busy. My work, your family. Maybe we need to schedule it.
Kevin: What, like sex at 4 o'clock. That's really romantic.
Scotty: Appointment sex. That's what married couples have to do.
Tommy: What is this? Some sort of stupid ploy to get me to take a plea?
Kevin: What? Incarcerate you in a hotel room so you know what it feels like?
Kevin: Just say, 'Mom, Tommy didn't come back from Mexico'.
Justin: Why me?
Kevin: Because I always have to break the bad news. I'm like the family grim reaper.
