Jules: You know what I learned from my friendship with Ellie?
Grayson: There's no such thing as too mean?
Travis: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them?
Jules: Always hold a grudge?

So you think Bobby and I could produce a doctor? [Jules and Grayson both laugh]

When you get up from that ottoman I'd go get a pregnancy test.

Jules: Way to go new guy.
Grayson: New guy? I am a key member of this group. I provide the sizzle.

Jules: Still, Ellie thinks she's horrible, and we all agree with her.
Grayson: Oh.

Dead mom high five!

Jules: What are you guys doing here anyway?
Travis: We're stealing-
Jules: -I'm in! I love it when we do things as a family!

Jules: No one gets any wine until they say something nice about Ellie.
Laurie: I'm going to a bar.

Ellie: You're not crazy about the ditzy, trashy, fake blonde, fake tan, fake boobs, club skank you one-night standed to make that baby.
Jules: She says it better.

Mother of God I gotta drink!

Jules: Ellie, I had to titi in the yard.
Ellie: Why wouldn't you just go in the shower?
Jules: Gross.

Grayson: You know, as a parent.
Jules: As a parent? You just found out you were a Dad 48 hours ago.
Ellie: Yeah, come down Day 2. Now, as a parent of several years what I think-
Jules: I'll let you finish that thought if you can tell me where your child is right now.
Ellie: I'm out.