Laurie: Zooey Descha-hell-no, what you two need is revenge. If someone hurts you, you hurt them right back.
Jules: Yeah revenge is better I'm in.
Andy: Me too.

Grayson: Cheer up, Trav will eventually come by, you raised him to be dependent and helpless.
Jules: Thanks Babe.
Grayson: I knew you'd take that as a compliment.

Travis: Oh my God, you want us to be friends?
Jules: Friends that can talk about anything. I want us to be friends with benefits. I didn't use that right, did I?

Grayson: First up, check out the truth: freshly waxed.
Jules: Oooh, it's like a brand new, slightly gay Ferrari.
Grayson: I wish you wouldn't call my beauty regimen "slightly gay."
Jules: And I wish you wouldn't say "beauty regimen.

Jules: Do her nipples look like mine?
Grayson: No.
Bobby: Yeah.
Bobby: Well, I got a hold of them before Trav did.

Travis: Admittedly, Game of Thrones gives me a giant nerdgasm, but I gotta warn you guys it's a little racy.
Jules: Oh Trav, we're adults, we can handle it - oh, wow, boobs already!

Grayson: Hey, where'd you go just now?
Jules: I was lying on the floor of the tub sobbing. You don't pee in that, right?

I can't believe we're in Napa. I think we're meeting God.

Grayson: There is no such thing as a happy stroke.
Jules: Then what did Kurt Douglas have?
Grayson: A stroke.

Jules: Taters are for laters.
Travis: She actually did say that.

Jules: I'm sorry we can't hang tonight because we all have a very big important thing we have to go to.
Ellie: That thing got cancelled. I do have a different thing that only I have to go to.

Ellie: I can't be married to someone in public office. Jules, I have to interact with people. You know I hate the people.
Jules: That's what you get for telling Holly our thing was cancelled.
Ellie: You know what I hope? The Karma Gods get you.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

We're even wearing the same unisex cologne. "Both" by Bruce Jenner.

Laurie