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Laurie: If Matt Damon weren't married and if he weren't a movie star and if he lived this town, we would totally date.
Jules: That's a lot of if's.
Ellie: Yeah, not enough.

Jules: It it so much harder to be a single woman.
Laurie: So much harder, do you read Kathy?

Laurie: Am I in a different conversation?
Jules: Almost always.

Ryan is super pretty and he's not at all afraid of cologne.

I don't like being alone in my house. I don't know what I'm gonna do when Travis goes to college. He's not really big on the idea of us getting apartment together, even though I said I'd only live there on the weekends.

Jules [after spin class]: Hey Travis, take me upstairs and put me in the bath.
Travis: That's a sentence I was hoping not to hear until you were seventy.

Ellie: Racist Uncle or Drug Dealer Uncle?
Jules: Racist Uncle. Drug Dealer Uncle is now Prison Uncle.
Ellie: Oh right, because of Detective Cousin.

Okay, quick disclaimer. When we attack the food, let's chew carefully because I'm missing an earring.

Jules: In one of our friendship talks, Travis told me she's not even on the pill. Condoms break all the time.
Laurie: Especially if there's piercings involved.
Ellie: Stop, I'm begging you.

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