Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town
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Sweetie, I'd let other people do the cons.

So all shoplifters are magicians?

If you don't want to be someone's bitch, you gotta get ripped.

Get crabbin' bitch.

Jules: When did you get so good at lying?
Ellie: There's no shortcut. Just practice, practice, practice.

Jules: Time for family dinner.
Grayson: Uh, if it's family, then why is she here?
Ellie: What am I supposed to do eat with Andy? I did that yesterday.

Travis: You know, I've actually been experimenting at school.
Ellie: I totally called that!
Jules: What's his name? Is he cute?
Travis: I meant with religion.
Jules: Aw man, I was excited to show you how cool I'd be about it.

Laurie: Man hands? You're stealing jokes from Seinfeld now?
Jules: Was that that Jewish guy you dated in High School?
Ellie: No, he had a huge TV show. Must see TV?
Jules: Never heard of it. No one's gonna tell me what's must see.

He looks like that nerdy lesbian from Scooby-Boo.

Jules: What the hell was that?
Laurie: You're getting landlined.

Honey, cutting crotches out of pants is not sewing.

I'm gonna make that pale ass, icy bitch love me whether she likes it or not.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 300 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!

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