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Sweetie, I'd let other people do the cons.

So all shoplifters are magicians?

If you don't want to be someone's bitch, you gotta get ripped.

Get crabbin' bitch.

Jules: When did you get so good at lying?
Ellie: There's no shortcut. Just practice, practice, practice.

Jules: Time for family dinner.
Grayson: Uh, if it's family, then why is she here?
Ellie: What am I supposed to do eat with Andy? I did that yesterday.

Travis: You know, I've actually been experimenting at school.
Ellie: I totally called that!
Jules: What's his name? Is he cute?
Travis: I meant with religion.
Jules: Aw man, I was excited to show you how cool I'd be about it.

Laurie: Man hands? You're stealing jokes from Seinfeld now?
Jules: Was that that Jewish guy you dated in High School?
Ellie: No, he had a huge TV show. Must see TV?
Jules: Never heard of it. No one's gonna tell me what's must see.

He looks like that nerdy lesbian from Scooby-Boo.

Jules: What the hell was that?
Laurie: You're getting landlined.

Honey, cutting crotches out of pants is not sewing.

I'm gonna make that pale ass, icy bitch love me whether she likes it or not.

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