George: Brooklyn's exciting! It's the new Manhattan. I may have to move to Brooklyn.
Jonathan: If Brooklyn's the new Manhattan, what's Manhattan?
George: Manhattan's the new Queens. And Queens is the new... Brooklyn. And Brooklyn is the--

Jonathan: Leah has kids, and you guys have been together for a while.
Ray: Yeah, but that is terrible. Those kids pay me no respect. They call me fat... and hairy. You know, they could lose a few pounds themselves.

Jonathan: I'll call you back. Is that okay?
Caroline: Alright, sweetheart. Don't be a stranger. You know that all of my writers are like my husbands.

In my heart, I'm a vegan. In my mouth, I lack discipline.

Leah: Her name's Allison. She's a radical vegan.
Lisa: I know a lot of radical vegans. She must be really lonely.

Jonathan: Where's Ray?
Leah: He's in the bathroom masturbating.
Jonathan: What?
Ray: I'm almost done. Just three more tugs.

Claudia Worth: Are you a man or a boy?
Jonathan: Well... what's the difference?
Claudia Worth: With a man, you feel like you're being taken, and you like it. And with a boy, you feel like they're stealing something from you, and you don't like it.

Jim Jarmusch: So I really loved your novel. Dark, funny, perverted, beautiful. You must really suffer from the terrifying clarity of your vision.
Jonathan: Thank you. I do suffer. Thank you.

(to Jonathan) Lives don't change. We simply become more comfortable with our core misery, which is a form of happiness.

Dr. Worth
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