Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
(after learning that Elaine is out of the "contest")
George: You caved?!
Jerry: It's over?!
George: You're out?!
Jerry: Oh my God, the Queen is dead!
George: I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes. Nobody was there. They're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine; I started leafing through it
(Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)
George: So, one thing lead to another
Jerry: So, what did she do?
George: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!"
(on Kramer's chance of winning the contest) You'll be out before the check comes!
Jerry: What's the matter?
George: My mother caught me.
Jerry: Caught you? Doing what?
George: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone
Elaine: You mean..?!
George: (Nods) Uh-huh.
Kramer: (laughing) She caught you?
Jerry: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh, shaving.
Elaine: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.
Kramer: Not everyday.
Elaine: What're you looking at?
Jerry: There's a naked woman across the street.
Elaine: (smiling, chuckling) This is gonna be the easiest money I've ever made in my life.
Jerry: (after George tells him about the hot nurse who gives sponge baths to the gorgeous patient)
Well, I guess you'll be going back to that hospital.
George: Well Jerry, my mother...
Jerry: Alright, Costanza. It's just you and me.
George: And then, (smacks the money) there were two.
Elaine: Elaine Benes Kennedy Junior
George: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
Jerry: What did you do?
George: I zipped up!
Elaine: So, she fell?
George: Yeah. Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!
Kramer: So, you're still master of your domain.
Jerry: Yes. Yes I am. Master of my domain.
All right, Costanza. It's just you and me.
Jerry: I haven't been myself lately. I've been snapping at everybody.
George: Me too. I've been yelling at strangers on the street.