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Jerry: What is all the racket back there? You know, you're trying to relax on the plane and this is what you have to put up with. (to attendant) What is going on?
Attendant: Sir, this woman tried to sneak into first class.
Jerry: Oh, you see, that's terrible. The problem is that curtain is no security. There really should be a locking door.

Tia: Excuse me; I think you're in my seat.
Jerry: Oh, sorry. My mistake. (to himself) Thank you!

Jerry: It smells like a cheap hooker. Or is that you?
Elaine: Give me ten bucks and find out.

(After Jerry selfishly takes the lone first-class seat available he confronts Elaine about the issue)
Jerry: Elaine, have you ever flown first-class?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: All right then. See, you don't know what you're missing. I've flown first-class. I can't go back to coach. I can't, I won't.
Elaine: We flew here coach.
Jerry: Yeah, that's true.
Elaine: Oh, alright. If the plane crashes, everyone in first class is going to die anyway.
Jerry: Yeah, I'm sure you'll live.

Tia: This ice cream is really nice.
Jerry: Oh you know what, they've put the fudge at the bottom of the ice cream. That way you can control your fudge distribution as you eat it.
Tia: I never knew a man who knew so much about nothing.
Jerry: Thank you.

Jerry: (after George tells him about the hot nurse who gives sponge baths to the gorgeous patient)
Well, I guess you'll be going back to that hospital.
George: Well Jerry, my mother...

George: I am king of the county. You?
Jerry: Lord of the manor.

All right, Costanza. It's just you and me.

(Kramer sits in front of Jerry's window to see a naked lady)
Jerry: She's not there!
Kramer: Oh, I can wait

(on Kramer's chance of winning the contest) You'll be out before the check comes!

She's driving me crazy, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm here, I'm climbing the walls. Meanwhile I'm in this contest, I'm datin' a virgin, SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE!

(after learning that Elaine is out of the "contest")
George: You caved?!
Jerry: It's over?!
George: You're out?!
Jerry: Oh my God, the Queen is dead!

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 496 in total

Seinfeld Quotes

Kramer goes to a Fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass backwards in the money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; now that's a fantasy camp.

George

I can't get a massage from a man.

George