I HATE my guyhe's a mean, MEAN guy!

Jerry: The agency sent me.
Mr. Fields: The agency, what agency? The CIA?

I've been outed, and I was never in!

We're not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

George: Two tickets to "Guys And Dolls"! I'm gonna go with you!
Jerry: "Guys And Dolls"? Isn't that a lavish, Broadway musical?
George: It's "Guys And Dolls," not "Guys And Guys."

(on men) We're like some kind of weird fish where the eyes operate independently of the head.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it. It's too risky! You get a sense of it and then you look away.

Jerry: You know primavera is Italian for spring.
George: No!

Cheryl: Do you ever laugh?
Jerry: Not really. Sometimes, when I'm in the tub.
Cheryl: That's so sad. What do you do?
Jerry: I'm a comedian.

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