Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Manager: What do you mean-- "stunk up?"
Jerry: I mean the car stinks! George, does the car stink?
- Permalink: What do you mean-- stunk up? I mean the car stinks! George, do...
Kramer: What happened?
Jerry: What happened? My car "stinks" is what happened. And it's destroying the lives of everyone in its path.
- Permalink: What happened? What happened? My car stinks is what happened. ...
The "B" is gone, but the "O" is still there!
- Permalink: The B is gone, but the O is still there!
(The car has been washed, but Jerry realizes that the smell is still there)
Jerry: Wait a minute! It still smells! It still smells!
(Cut to Carl's apartment, where he smells Elaine's hair)
Carl: It still smells.
- Permalink: Wait a minute! It still smells! It still smells! It still sm...
(to Elaine) I opened the car door this morning; it was like a punch in the face! It was almost as if the smell GAINED strength overnight.
- Permalink: I opened the car door this morning; it was like a punch in the f...
Jerry: It still smells.
George: How could it still smell after all that?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: Well, what are you gonna do?
Jerry: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm selling that car.
George: You're selling the car?
Jerry: You don't understand what I'm up against. This is a force more powerful than anything you can imagine! Even Superman would be helpless against this kind of stench! And I'll take anything I can get for it.
George: Maybe I'll buy it.
Jerry: Are you crazy? Don't you understand what I'm saying to you? This isn't just an odor! You need a priest to get rid of this thing!
(Elaine comes in)
Elaine: I still smell.
Jerry: You see? You see what I'm saying to you? It's a presence! It's the beast!
- Permalink: It still smells. How could it still smell after all that? I ...
Elaine: When you're with a guy, and he tells you he has to get up early, what does that mean?
Jerry: It means he's lying.
- Permalink: When you're with a guy, and he tells you he has to get up early,...
Susan: (pounding on Kramer's door) Kramer! Kramer!
Jerry: What's that? What's going on?
Susan: Kramer, open up, I know you're in there!
Jerry: What is going on?
Susan: You know what's going on? First, he vomits on me! Then, he burns down my father's cabin! And now, he's taken Mona away from me!
- Permalink: Kramer! Kramer! What's that? What's going on? Kramer, open u...
So, this morning, I go down to the garage to check the car out. I figure by this time, the odor molecules have had at least twelve hours to de-smellify. I open the car door, like a punch in the face, the stench hits me. It's almost as if it had GAINED strength throughout the night.
- Permalink: So, this morning, I go down to the garage to check the car out. ...
Kramer: You "stink." Why don't you go take a shower?
Jerry: I showered! Oh, wait a second. Since I showered, I've been in the car.
Jerry: Don't you see what's happening here? It's attached itself to me! It's alive!
- Permalink: You stink. Why don't you go take a shower? I showered! Oh, wai...
Jerry: Hey, I've never smelled in my life, buddy.
Restaurateur: Really? Well, I can smell you now.
Jerry: That's from the car!
- Permalink: Hey, I've never smelled in my life, buddy. Really? Well, I can...
George: So, let me ask you. Do you think I did this?
Jerry: No, no. It's the valet guy.
George: No, no, I mean, driving Susan to lesbianism.
Jerry: Oh no, that's ridiculous.
George: What if her experience with me drive ger to it?
Jerry: Suicide, maybe, not lesbianism.
- Permalink: So, let me ask you. Do you think I did this? No, no. It's the ...