I heard something...

(Newman refuses to tell Jerry and George where Kramer is)
Jerry: (to Newman) Now, you better tell me where Kramer is, or are we gonna have to do this the hard way?
(Hits the wall with his fist)
Newman: Help! Help!
Jerry: Where's Kramer?
Newman: Help!
(Elaine enters)
Elaine: What's going on?
(Newman hides behind Elaine)
Newman: They're gonna beat me up!
George: No we're not.
Jerry: We're trying to find out what happened to Kramer.
Newman: You wanna know what happened to Kramer? I'll tell you what happened to Kramer. He was ticked off. About they keys. Yeah, that's right - about the keys. Thought he got a bad rap.
Jerry: Bad rap?
Newman: Yeah, from you.
Jerry: Me?
Newman: You heard me. So he packed it up and split for the coast. La-La Land. LA.

Jerry: You scared me!
Kramer: It's just me.
Jerry: That's enough!

Jerry: What did you do to my car?!
George: I couldn't help it! Elaine moved the mirror. I got discombobulated.
Elaine: Oh, like you've ever been "bobulated."

Kramer: You know, why didn't they ask me to go?
Jerry: I don't know. How am I supposed to know?
Kramer: What, they don't like me?
Jerry: I don't like you!

Mike: Hey, Jerry. Long time no see.
Jerry: Hey, Mike. (noticing George's fedora) Indiana.

I'm not saying anything, I'm putting it in the vault, I'm locking the vault. It's a vault!

Jerry: I have to go meet Nina. You want to come to her loft, check out her paintings?
George: I don't get art.
Jerry: There's nothing to get.
George: No, it always has to be explained to me, and then I have to have someone explain the explanation.
Jerry: She does a lot of abstract stuff. In fact she's painting Kramer right now.

I like the button fly. That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth. It's a mink trap down there.

(Jerry and Nina are watching TV)
Jerry: Don't go in there, you're gonna get shot.
(Gunshot on TV)
Jerry: I told you.

Jerry: (picks up Nina's painting George bought) And by the way, can you get this thing outta my house?
George: Tell you what; I'll make a deal with you. I'll sell it to you right now for ten bucks.

Jerry: How are you feeling?
Kramer: Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. (to Elaine) How're you, Carroll?
*later*
George: Hey Kramer.
Kramer: Hi Mike.

Seinfeld Quotes

Newman: June 14, 1987.... Mets Phillies. We're enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the right field stands when a crucial Hernandez error to a five run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game.
Kramer: Our day was ruined. There was a lot of people, you know, they were waiting by the player's parking lot. Now we're coming down the ramp... Newman was in front of me. Keith was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, "Nice game pretty boy." Keith continued past us up the ramp.
Newman: A second later, something happened that changed us in a deep and profound way front that day forward.
Elaine: What was it?
Kramer: He spit on us.... and I screamed out, "I'm hit!"
Newman: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.

George: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
Jerry: What do you need salsa for?
George: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
Jerry: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have any salsa?" We need more salsa." "Where's the salsa? No salsa?"
George: You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. "I wanted seltzer, not salsa!"
Jerry: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?! You have the seltzer after the salsa!"