Jake Harper Quotes (Page 3)
Season 9, Episode 7: "Thank You For The Intercourse"
Jake: Uncle Charlie never treated me like a stupid kid.
Alan: That's nice.
Jake: He treated me more like a stupid person.
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
Jake: Man they got my good bong.
• Rating: 1.0 / 5.0
Season 9, Episode 6: "Those Fancy Japanese Toilets"
Jake: We have to get rid of Walden. He's got to go.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Jake: I bet you shower every day.
• Rating: 1.0 / 5.0
Season 9, Episode 6: "The Squat and Hover"
Jake: Dad, please tell me I'm not done growing.
Alan: Knock yourself out.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 9, Episode 3: "Big Girls Don't Throw Dog Food"
Alan: Remember, at grandma's we have to pee while sitting down so you don't get splatter anywhere.
Jake: I'll manage and that's how you pee anyway.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 8, Episode 16: "That Darn Priest"
Alan: I was singing.
Jake: You weren't singing.
Alan: Who are you, Simon Cowell?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 8, Episode 12: "Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead"
Eldridge: It was nice of him to bring beer.
Jake: He's a crazy bastard, but he's got good manners.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 8, Episode 11: "Dead from the Waist Down"
Jake: I saw this video called "Topless Co-eds of the Big Ten" and I decided I had to go to college.
Alan: You expect me to pay $30,000-$40,000 a year so you can meet drunk girls who will lift their shirts?
Jake: Yes, please.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Season 8, Episode 9: "A Good Time in Central Africa"
Jake: Uncle Charlie in there?
Berta: Yep.
Jake: Drunk?
Berta: Hammered.
Jake: You clean him out?
Berta: Would I do that to my little buddy?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!
Total Quotes: 275
