Homer: Listen, I gotta know. You're not just being nice to me because, in a pinch, you could make candles from my fat.
Lloyd: Well, that is a big part of it.
Homer: It's okay. I know what I am.

Do not question the wisdom of Tom Skerritt.

If Jesus had a gun, he'd be alive today.

Homer: Marge, this is it. TEOTWAWKI.
Marge: The end of the world as we know it?!?

I guess despite all our so-called civilization, anarchy lurks around every corner like a racially diverse street gang on a network cop show.

Bart: Dad, what would you do if you got my ear in the mail?
Homer: I don't know; feed it to the dog.
Bart: You'd have to wrap cheese around it.
Homer: Don't you tell me how to feed you to the dog!

Well, that's just how dogs are. The most disloyal, unfaithful creatures god ever made.

That's right, your lord sticks his hand in his pants. And yes, it is the same hand I tapped you with.

No one judges my wife's thunder bags.

Wearing scarves in non-scarf weather is the essence of cool.

Marge: You're all bald.
Homer: No, I'm young person cool-bald. Not old person sad-bald.

Beat it, ducks! I'm not old enough to have food for you. I'm sexy. Young and sexy!

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.