Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Homer: That's one way to avoid drunk driving.
Marge: Another way is don't drink.
Homer: I'm not Superman.

And I don't think you're boring. It's just that in today's multi-channel environment you have too many choices. Look at Sunday night! There's like eight amazing shows, none of them on Fox.

Happy Anni..birth..tine's...shark week?

Stopping all Americans from voting is for the protection of all Americans.

The Rich Texan

Marge, I was just being a good husband by pretending to agree with you while secretly undermining your agenda.

Geez. I mean I'm no Luis Guzman, but I'm alright.

Awww, sweetie, sometimes a mysterious invisible being from hell waits for a family to go to sleep then kills them. Now, go to bed.

A black hole...(whispering) I'm sorry, can we call it that?

Come on, you can't look at that infinitely dense little guy and not want to feed it something.

You've learned a very valuable life lesson, boy, which is that love doesn't exist except briefly between a man and woman before marriage. After that it's just hanging out with someone who kinda hates you but you can't get it together to leave.

Bart: Come on, Dad, you love New York, now that your two least favorite buildings have been obliterated: Old Penn Station and Shea stadium.
Homer: Lousy out-dated relics.

I cheat on my diet, but nobody knows cause the damage is on the inside and the first warning sign is sudden death.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 1517 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

MARGE! Where are you? Did you change your name? Is it Kelly? KELLY!

Homer

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

×