Homer: I'm sorry, Homer Junior. You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart that no one can ever quite fill.
Bart: Therapy, please.
Lisa: Me too.

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Marge: I'm a Schwarzenegger wife!
Homer: But you're also the housekeeper. so it's all good.

Eduardo: Did you hair burn off in a fire that trapped you in a candy factory?
Homer: I wish.

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Marge: I feel kind of melancholy.
Homer: Hmm...melon-collie.

Marge, they knew what they were getting into when their parents sold them to the circus.

Now hop on my cycle, there's nothing to fear. And we shall have candy...and maybe some beer.

Bart: You have some big underpants to fill. I didn't know they made underoos in size 52
Homer: They're called superoos, son, with pictures of the cast of The Expendables.
Bart: More like The Expandables.

I'm not sure man who eats right and doesn't drink can be good in bed.

Oh, I've been listening to this song for three days, and it's only the end of the first verse.

Sorry, Carl, it's WWII all over again. America kicks Iceland's ass.

And I'm 69 because people always laugh when you say "69." Hehe, no one knows why.

Hey those Yelp reviews don't write themselves. Did you know a well-placed one-star could destroy a "Mom and Pop" hardware in nothing flat?

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?