The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons

What women really want is a guy who's confident enough to go completely downhill after marriage and know she'll still love him.

When I found out shrimp cocktails had no alcohol, I really lost interest.

Homer: Listen, I gotta know. You're not just being nice to me because, in a pinch, you could make candles from my fat.
Lloyd: Well, that is a big part of it.
Homer: It's okay. I know what I am.

Do not question the wisdom of Tom Skerritt.

If Jesus had a gun, he'd be alive today.

Homer: Marge, this is it. TEOTWAWKI.
Marge: The end of the world as we know it?!?

I guess despite all our so-called civilization, anarchy lurks around every corner like a racially diverse street gang on a network cop show.

Bart: Dad, what would you do if you got my ear in the mail?
Homer: I don't know; feed it to the dog.
Bart: You'd have to wrap cheese around it.
Homer: Don't you tell me how to feed you to the dog!

Well, that's just how dogs are. The most disloyal, unfaithful creatures god ever made.

That's right, your lord sticks his hand in his pants. And yes, it is the same hand I tapped you with.

No one judges my wife's thunder bags.

Wearing scarves in non-scarf weather is the essence of cool.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 1523 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

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