The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Homer: Whoo hoo! I've got a date with my daughter!
Cletus: Yeah, we've all been there. No need to act like you just invented air conditioning.

The only thing that keeps me from living here is that fish that swims up your pee stream. That is a deal breaker.

Emojis! Now she's gone to far.

Kettle-corn, the heroin of the farmer's market.

That's the great thing about art, everyone can have their opinion about why it sucks.

Honey, Grandpa is the closest thing I have to a father and I love him, but three octogenocerauses?!?

My lifestyle is my retirement plan.

Homer: Pressure is how you make your beloved diamonds, Marge.
Marge: I don't have any diamonds.
Homer: Quit pressuring me!

If God needs money, why doesn't he just write another Bible. The first one sold pretty well.

Bart: Homer, Will you take me to buy a comic book Tuesday at midnight?
Homer: And miss the back half of Jimmy Kimmel? That's when he experiments, boy.

That was the greatest thing I've seen on a computer that I could talk about with you in the room.

If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 1534 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!