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The-simpsons

Lionel Hutz: Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water.
Homer: Ooh, classy.

Bart: I did go away, mom, I was miles and miles and miles away. Dying in agony in the pits of hell. And you were there! And you, and you, and you... and you I've never seen before!
Homer: (to Lionel Hutz) Yeah who are you anyway? I saw you chasing Bart's ambulance.

Marge: I'm sorry, but my mother said, if you can't say anything nice about someone, you shouldn't say anything at all.
Homer: Will that hold up in court?
Lionel Hutz: No, I've tried it before.

One million dollars is a-okay.

Homer's Brain: A million dollars. My wife cost me a million dollars.
Marge: Homer would you like some more macaroni and cheese?
Homer's Brain: Yeah, a million dollars worth, you treacherous snake woman.
Homer: No, thank you.
Marge: Some string beans?
Homer's Brain: No, I don't want any string beans either, you two-timing, backstabbing--Uh-oh. Better answer.
Homer: No, thank you.
Marge: Some celery with cream cheese on it?
Homer's Brain: Just mouth polite nothings.
Homer: No, thank you.

It's no trouble, I've got a whole garage full of tools I never use!

(on the phone) You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week... I told you, my baby beat me up... Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.

Marge: What kind of warped human being would find that funny?
Homer: Heh, heh.

You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never knew mice lived such interesting lives.

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