Homer Simpson Quotes
Young Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound.
Young Homer: It's my metaba-ma-lism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.
- Permalink: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound. It's my...
Guidance Counselor: Do you have any plans for after graduation?
Young Homer: Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night!
- Permalink: Do you have any plans for after graduation? Me? I'm gonna drin...
You tutor? And anyone can be tooted?
- Permalink: You tutor? And anyone can be tooted?
Dr. Hibbert: Um, your wife agreed that I should break this to you.
Homer: No need, Doc. I can read Marge like a book. (Looks at Marge, who is very glum.)
Homer: Ooh, it's good news, isn't it?
- Permalink: Um, your wife agreed that I should break this to you. No need,...
Ahem. This is a videotape for my daughter Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. Woooooooo! Hee hee hee, hope that didn't scare you. Well, Maggie, you're grown-up now, and unless you taped over this, you're probably wondering what kind of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, a gentle man who loved his children and- (Phone rings) D'oh! Hello! Yeah, he's here, who is this? (Scratches butt) Bart's friend Milhouse? Bart! Get your butt down here!
- Permalink: Ahem. This is a videotape for my daughter Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'...
Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
- Permalink: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go thro...
(While Marge appears to be tossing a salad Homer watches the microwave.)
Homer: Is it done yet? Is it done yet?
Marge: Your meatloaf will be ready in eight seconds, Homer.
Homer: D'oh! Isn't there anything faster than a microwave?
(Homer watches dinner cook)
Homer: Four three two one Bing! We have meatloaf!
- Permalink: <i>(While Marge appears to be tossing a salad Homer watches the ...
(Homer looks over the menu.)
Homer: There's got to be something I haven't tried. Huh? Hey, hey, what's this? Fugu!
Akira: (Gasps.) It is a blowfish, sir. But I should warn you that one-
Homer: Come on, pal. Fugu me!
- Permalink: (<i>Homer looks over the menu</i>.) There's got to be somethin...
(Imitating Lisa) Try something new, Homer! What'll it hurt you, Homer? (Regular voice) I never heard of a poison pork chop!</i> Homer
- Permalink: <i>(Homer, at the hospital after eating some poisoned blowfish.)...