Homer Simpson Quotes
(At debate team practice, Homer and Artie Ziff hold a debate.)
Artie: Our current speed limit is an anachronism. The fatuity--
Homer: (Reading from a dictionary.) "Ignoramus."
Artie: --Will you shut up?
Homer: Wait a minute. That word you keep calling me?
Homer: Ignoramus! It means I'm stupid, doesn't it?
Artie: There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Homer: Not to me, there isn't, you--
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer?
Artie: You're the ignoramus.
Homer: No, you are!
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)
- Permalink: (<i>At debate team practice, Homer and Artie Ziff hold a debate<...
Homer: So, uh, what are you in for?
Marge: I'm a political prisoner. (Muttering) Last time I ever take a stand.
Homer: Well, I'm in here for being me. Every day, I show up, act like me, and they slap me in here.
- Permalink: <i>(In detention.)</i> So, uh, what are you in for? I'm a po...
Homer: When I see you forming the vowels and continents . . .
- Permalink: When I see you forming the vowels and continents . . . Conson...
Me in a nuclear power plant? (Laughs) Kaboom!Homer
- Permalink: (<i>Teenage Homer imagines working at the nuclear power plant.</...
(Picture on television goes haywire)
Bart: Hey, what gives?
Lisa: Dad! Do something!
Homer: Alright, alright. Time for Doctor TV to perform a little surgery! (Bangs on the TV and the picture gets worse.)
Bart: Looks like you lost the patient, Doc.
- Permalink: <i>(Picture on television goes haywire)</i> Hey, what gives? ...
Bart: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him out!
Homer: Hey yeah yeah! I think I can!
Marge: I think this is sick they're staring at a dot!
Homer: She's right! She's right! Oh I miss TV, dear God! Just give me one channel.
- Permalink: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him ou...
Barney: Hey Homer! You're late for English!
Homer: Pff! English, who needs that? I'm never going to England! Come on. Let's go smoke.
- Permalink: Hey Homer! You're late for English! Pff! English, who needs th...
Teacher: Simpson! Be quiet!
Homer: I haven't seen you in school before...
Teacher: Okay Simpson! You just brought yourself another day of detention!
Homer: Maybe we should get together some time
Teacher: Two days!
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name!
Homer: I'm Homer
Teacher: Three days!
Teacher: Four days!
Teacher: Five days!
Homer: It was worth it!
Teacher: Six days... Okay Simpson, to the back of the room!
- Permalink: Simpson! Be quiet! I haven't seen you in school before... Ok...
(Homer and Marge find out that they are pregnant)
Dr. Hibbert: Well, uh, Miss Bouvier, uh, I think we've found the reason you've been throwing up in the morning. (Reaches to shake Homer's hand.) Congratulations.
- Permalink: <i>(Homer and Marge find out that they are pregnant)</i> Well,...