Homer Simpson Quotes
Grampa: What's the matter, boy?
Grampa: You haven't said boo all night and usually I have to wrestle the bucket out of your greasy mitts.
Homer: Dad, I'm in love.
Grandpa: Uh-oh. Why don't you grab yourself a beer, boy.
Homer: But, Dad, I don't drink.
Grandpa: Cut the crap! (Imitating Homer) I just collect the cans, Daddy! (Normal) Now, grab yourself a beer and get me one, too.
- Permalink: What's the matter, boy? Nothing. You haven't said boo all ...
Homer: (to the kids) Do you two have to sit so close to the TV? Back up or it'll hurt your eyes.
Bart: Oh, it will not.
Homer: (Holding his fist up) Oh, yes, it will.
- Permalink: <i>(to the kids)</i> Do you two have to sit so close to the TV? ...
Waiter: (to Homer) Steak or chicken?
Homer: One of each, please.
Barney: (running naked) Coming through!
- Permalink: <i>(to Homer)</i> Steak or chicken? One of each, please. <i>...
(At debate team practice, Homer and Artie Ziff hold a debate.)
Artie: Our current speed limit is an anachronism. The fatuity--
Homer: (Reading from a dictionary.) "Ignoramus."
Artie: --Will you shut up?
Homer: Wait a minute. That word you keep calling me?
Homer: Ignoramus! It means I'm stupid, doesn't it?
Artie: There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Homer: Not to me, there isn't, you--
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer?
Artie: You're the ignoramus.
Homer: No, you are!
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)
- Permalink: (<i>At debate team practice, Homer and Artie Ziff hold a debate<...
Homer: So, uh, what are you in for?
Marge: I'm a political prisoner. (Muttering) Last time I ever take a stand.
Homer: Well, I'm in here for being me. Every day, I show up, act like me, and they slap me in here.
- Permalink: <i>(In detention.)</i> So, uh, what are you in for? I'm a po...
Homer: When I see you forming the vowels and continents . . .
- Permalink: When I see you forming the vowels and continents . . . Conson...
Me in a nuclear power plant? (Laughs) Kaboom!Homer
- Permalink: (<i>Teenage Homer imagines working at the nuclear power plant.</...
(Picture on television goes haywire)
Bart: Hey, what gives?
Lisa: Dad! Do something!
Homer: Alright, alright. Time for Doctor TV to perform a little surgery! (Bangs on the TV and the picture gets worse.)
Bart: Looks like you lost the patient, Doc.
- Permalink: <i>(Picture on television goes haywire)</i> Hey, what gives? ...
Bart: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him out!
Homer: Hey yeah yeah! I think I can!
Marge: I think this is sick they're staring at a dot!
Homer: She's right! She's right! Oh I miss TV, dear God! Just give me one channel.
- Permalink: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him ou...