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Lovejoy: Come on Homer what are her faults?
Homer: Well sometimes she can be annoying!
Marge: Oh Homer.
Lovejoy: Now Marge, don't interrupt, you'll get your turn.
Homer: I'm done.
Lovejoy: Okay, Marge.
Marge: Well its not that I don't love the guy, I'm always sticking up for him, it's just that he's so self-centered. He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. He chews with his mouth open, he gambles, he hangs out at a seedy bar with bums and low lifes.
Homer: Oh it's true!
Lovejoy: Homer don't interrupt.
Marge: He blows his nose on the towels and then puts them back in the middle!
Homer: I only did that a couple of times!

Lisa: You, sir, are a baboon!
Homer: (gasp) Me?
Lisa: Yes, you! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon!
Homer: I don't think you realize what you're saying

Just because I don't care doesn't mean that I don't understand.

Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest, ugliest, smelliest ape of them all!
Bart: Whoa! Somebody was bound to say it one day, I just can't believe it was her.

Homer: Oh, oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning on... [thinks to himself] Sleeping? Eating a big sandwich? Watching TV? Spending time with the boy! (speaks up) Spending time with the boy! The boy needs attention, Marge.
Marge: Homer, I've been talking to Lisa, and I'm concerned about your relationship with her.
Bart: Me too, Mom. I think you're drifting apart.
Homer: Shut up, boy.
Marge: Homer, please.
Homer: Marge, you don't understand. I can't do it because... [thinking to himself] You're trapped. If you were smarter, you might think of something. But you're not, so you just might as well... (speaks up) All right, all right, I'll take her.

Homer: What do you mean by "suggested donation"?
Clerk: Pay any amount you wish, sir.
Homer: And uh, what if I wish to pay... zero?
Clerk: That is up to you.
Homer: Ooh, so it's up to me, is it?
Clerk: Yes.
Homer: I see. And you think that people are going to pay you $4.50 even though they don't have to? Just out of the goodness of their... (laughs) Well, anything you say! Good luck, lady, you're gonna need it!

Mr. Bergstrom: There is a wonderful girl's future at stake.
Homer: Well, if she's so wonderful, give her an A!
Mr. Bergstrom: I am giving her an A.
Homer: Great, but don't tell her it was a favor to me. Tell her she earned it.
Mr. Bergstrom: Mr. Simpson, she did earn it.
Homer: You are smooth, I'll give you that.

Homer: Lisa, don't hold anything back, you can tell me. Are you crying 'cause you called daddy a baboon?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Nuts.

Burns: You're the fattest thing I've ever seen, and I've been on safari!
Homer: If you need me I'll be in the refrigerator! (starts crying)

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