Homer: How would you like to have future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future this is now?
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

Annie: I was so mad at him, I didn't have sex with a clown for five months!
Homer: What about mimes?
Annie: Come on, I'm not made of stone.

Homer: Can you be my dad?
Robert: If your mom was a secretary, there's a good chance I am.

Robert: There ain't enough bourbon in kentucky for you big guy.
Homer: Yeah, the governor wrote me a letter to that effect.

Robert: I have to warn you, account men have no souls.
Homer: Woohoo! No more church!

Homer: It's not illegal to sleep inside a tyrannosaurus head.
Security Guard: Sir, you're inside an allosaurus.
Homer: I demand to speak to my paleontologist.

British Fonzie is right.

Homer: The point of the dinosaurs is: no matter what we do, an asteroid is going to wipe us out. So we should party hard and wreck the place!

I've come around on hipsters. It takes a lot of guts to all wear the same hat.

I don't eat anything new unless I've tried it before.

Marge: What if we roll pennies and go to the dollar store?
Homer: That's good, Marge. Get all the terrible ideas out of your system.

Marge: How come they never call me fun mom?
Homer: A family's like a team. On every team you have the slam dunking mega star and the referee.

The Simpsons Quotes

Lincoln, Lincoln. I've been thinkin'. What the hell have you've been drinkin'? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my gosh. It's turpentine!

Bart & Lisa

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?