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The-simpsons

I can't quit drinking anymore than I can quit being a man. [takes a drink] Now it feels like a morning.

Dr. Zander: After two more weeks of sessions...
Homer: I lied about having health insurance.
Dr. Zander: You're cured.

Dr. Zander, you made me see my life through Bart's neck.

Strangling, it's not the only tool in my parenting toolbox, but it's my sharpest.

Marge: Just cause everyone else is doing the wave doesn't mean you have to.
Homer: No one else is doing it. I'm trying to start it.

Well, it was your idea to give him self-esteem to begin with!

I hope you kids are enjoying this [stadium] because you and your children will be paying for this long after the team leaves the city.

Homer: Can we at least get some french fries?
Cheech: Too high in trans fats.
Homer: Awwwwww, stop speaking Spanish.

Marge: Remember, on the road the only vice you can indulge in is gluttony. Save lust and rage for me and the kids.
Homer: Honey, don't worry, I'm gonna come back so horny and angry.

I can't do reefer comedy, I'm drunk! Two different animals.

Bart: Who the hell asre Cheech and Chong?
Homer: Cheech and Chong were the Beavis and Butthead of their day!
Bart: Who are Beavis and Butthead?

Their can do will bail out our won't try every time.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 1517 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito.

Homer

I'm married to the sea, and I'm seeing two of the great lakes on the side. I won't say which ones but it's ERIE how SUPERIOR they are.

Sea Captain
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