Homer Simpson Quotes
Bart: Ya know, Grampa kinda smells like that trunk in the garage where the bottom's all wet.
Lisa: Nuh-uh. He smells more like a photo lab.
Homer: Stop it, both of you! Grampa smells like a regular old man, which is more like a hallway in a hospital.
Marge: Homer, that's terrible! We should be teaching the children to treasure the elderly. You know, we'll be old someday.
Homer: (Gasps) My God, you're right, Marge! You kids won't put me in a home like I did to my dad, would ya?
Homer: (Screams) Marge, what do we do!?
- Permalink: Ya know, Grampa kinda smells like that trunk in the garage where...
(At Bea's funeral.)
Homer: I can't tell you how sorry I am, Dad.
Grampa: (Sarcastically) Is someone talking to me? I didn't hear anything.
Homer: Oh no! Dad's lost his hearing!
- Permalink: <i>(At Bea's funeral.)</i> I can't tell you how sorry I am, Da...
A double cheeseburger, onion rings, large strawberry shake, and, for God's sakes, hurry!</i> Homer
- Permalink: <i>(Homer at a Krusty Burger drive thru.)</i> A double cheeseb...
(Homer walks by the Cookie Colossus store in the mall.)
Homer: Well, aloha!
Saleswoman: Would you like a free sample? (Offers Homer some cookies on a tray.)
Homer: The price is right. (Eats a cookie.) Mmm! Ooh! "Macamademia" nuts.
- Permalink: (<i>Homer walks by the Cookie Colossus store in the mall</i>.) ...
Homer: (Calls out to Marge who is upstairs.) Marge, the dog is hungry!
Marge: (Yells back) Well, then, feed him!
Homer: Yes, master!
- Permalink: (<i>Calls out to Marge who is upstairs</i>.) Marge, the dog is h...
Are you losing your hearing, or are you just stupid? I am going to explain this to you one more time, and then I'm going to hang up on you. It is not my dog! I tied my dog outside myself! I am looking at him right--(Looks into the backyard and sees the dog missing.) D'oh!Homer
- Permalink: (<i>Mrs. Winfield calls Homer after she catches Santa's Little H...
(Bart notices Homer's new shoes.)
Bart: Whoa! Assassins!
Homer: Yep. Heh, heh. Read 'em and weep.
Marge: Those are very elaborate sneakers.
Bart: They better be, for 125 big ones.
Homer: Bart! (Reaches down to choke Bart.)
Marge: I thought we agreed to consult each other before any major purchases.
Homer: Well, you bought all those smoke alarms, and we haven't had
a single fire.
- Permalink: (<i>Bart notices Homer's new shoes</i>.) Whoa! Assassins! Ye...
(Marge, Lisa and Homer discover what Santa's Little Helper has done.)
Marge and Lisa: (Scream in unison)
Marge: My quilt! Six generations, ruined! (Sobs)
Homer: (Consoles Marge) Now, Marge, honey. Honey, honey. Come on. Come on. Don't get upset. It's not the end of the world. We all loved that quilt, but you can't get too attached to--
(Homer sees the remains of his cookie.)
Homer: (Screams) My cookie! (Sobs hysterically) Oh, this is not happening. This is not happening!
- Permalink: (<i>Marge, Lisa and Homer discover what Santa's Little Helper ha...
(Homer fields a phone call from someone interested in buying Santa's Little Helper.)
Homer: Oh no, we'd never give him away. But we're moving to another country where dogs are forbidden. (Pause) Hear what? (Pause) Oh, sure. Come here, boy! Put that prowler down! Come here! Come on, boy! (Homer pants into the phone like a dog.)
Homer: Say it, boy. Say "I love you" for the nice man. (In a dog's voice) I wuv you!
(Pulls the phone away from his mouth.)
Homer: Good dog! Good doggie!
(Puts phone back near his mouth.)
Homer: Isn't that amazing? See you soon! (Hangs up phone.) Whoo-hoo!
- Permalink: (<i>Homer fields a phone call from someone interested in buying ...