Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

So a few people won't get a few letters, boo hoo! You know the kind of letters people write. Dear somebody you never heard of, how was so and so, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, yours truly, some bozo, big loss!

</i> Homer

(to Marge) Okay, here's the plan! You can move in with your sisters, and raise the kids, and I'll...die in a gutter!

Homer: Bart, you keep an eye out for the mailman. Just give me some kind of signal.
Bart: Dad, the mailman's here.
Homer: That's a good one. We'll use that.
(A postwoman appears behind Homer)
Bart: No! I mean the mailman's here.
(Homer screams)
Postwoman: Dear God! Are you planning to water the mail?
Homer: I guess it wouldn't do any good to run 'cause you're a mail-lady and you know my name and address and everything, huh?
Postwoman: That's right.
Homer: Well... I'm still going to run.
(Homer runs away)

A hundred bucks?! For a comic book! Who drew it, Micha-ma-langelo?

Bart: Please Dad!
Homer: No!
Bart: Please Dad!
Homer: No!
Bart: Please Dad!
Homer: No!
(And so on until...)
Bart: Please Dad!
Homer: No!!! Now look, son, we all know that usually when you bug me like this, I give in, so I'm not mad at you for trying. It shows you've been paying attention. But we all know I'm not going to give you $100! Now are you going to stop bugging me?
Bart: No!
Homer: Are you?
Bart: No!
Homer: Are you?
Bart: No!
(And so on until...)
Homer: Are you?
Bart: (frustrated) Okay!
Homer: (triumphant) Hee hee! I win! In your face! (punches Bart's shoulder) Yeah! How do you like them apples?

(To earn money for his comic book, Marge suggests that Bart get a job.)
Bart: Me!?
Wonder Years Voice: Get a job? Were they serious? I didn't realize it at the time, but a little bit of my childhood had slipped away...forever.
Homer: Bart! What are you staring at?
Bart: Uh...nothing.
Wonder Years Voice: He didn't say it and neither did I, but at that moment, my dad and I were closer than we ever--
Homer: Bart! Stop that!
Bart: Sorry!

Homer: Hey, when I was your age, 50 cents was a lot of money.
Bart: Really?
Homer: Naah!

Marge: Homer, it's really coming down! Could you check on the boys?
(Homer sees Bart and Milhouse fighting in the treehouse as lightning flashes nearby)
Homer: They're fine.

Reverend Lovejoy: Ned, Maude, what brings you here?
Ned: Well... sometimes God bless her, she underlines passages in my bible because she can't find hers!
Homer: Oh, lucky you don't keep guns in the house.
Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, why are you here?
Homer: Oh, because I got drunk and looked down her dress!

Displaying quotes 1234 - 1242 of 1511 in total