Lisa: Slimu looks kind of uncomfortable.
Homer: Wouldn't you if you were a salt water fish in a fresh water aquarium?

Oh, I love going to aquatic parks. Sure they have less rides than amusement parks, less fish than the aquariums, but the parking is ample.

Bart: Hope you saved room for passion fruit suflee cremon glaze for two.. and one for mom.
Homer: There come's a time in every marriage when it comes down to this, do we eat dessert or make love?

Homer: Girls are easy. Girls love daddy. Girls make birthday cards with glitter on them. Girls can marry a hockey player and get me free tickets to hockey games. Girls don't steal my lines. And girls never ask me how their body works because I have no idea.
Bart: You never told me how my body works.
Homer: Point and shoot.

Bart: Dad, I want a baby brother.
Homer: Haha. Son, I love you kids, but I'm only going to the hospital one more time in my life, and I ain't coming out.

Homer: See, Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming.
Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes, hot and cold.
Homer: I see, so you're saying warming makes it colder. Well aren't you the queen of crazy land. Everything the's opposite of everything.

I hate traffic, the band and the phenomenon.

Bart: Dad! Lisa's making me see things from both sides again!
Homer: Lisa, I warned you about that!
Lisa: Shouldn't Bart have all the information he needs to make an informed decision?
Homer: Now you're doing it to me, aww...

My wife and my worst friend. Could it be?

Marge: The most intimate evening we spent this week was when I was ironing your shirts
Homer: Actually, those were Carl's shirts

Lenny: I'm gonna miss ted, he was a good supervisor
Carl: Definitely hands off. He didn't mind if we punched out late
Homer: And he didn't mind that we made a few changes to the soda machine...mmm... beer

Homer: Marge, can you still love a man that's half beer?
Marge: I always have

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa