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The-simpsons

I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.

Put a James Taylor CD in the stereo so they think it was a suicide.

Marge: In a good marriage you never say, "I told you so."
Homer: Which is good for me because you're always right.

He's cheating on Selma? Why go out for hamburger when you have rancid steak at home?

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.

Aww, I was standing in this line to use the bathroom, but now my license is expired.

I can't stand to see one of my female children unhappy.

Hello boat store, I'd like to order a boat. What do you mean dial tone?

Masseuses - half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.

First I work? Then I pay? Then I have to eat fruit? Why was I ever born?

Homer: The therapy was too effective.
Dr. Zander: Ah, yes. One of the most common complaints about therapy.

That's ridiculous. How could two people from the same family need therapy?

Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 1517 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito.

Homer

I'm married to the sea, and I'm seeing two of the great lakes on the side. I won't say which ones but it's ERIE how SUPERIOR they are.

Sea Captain
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