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The-simpsons

I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.

Put a James Taylor CD in the stereo so they think it was a suicide.

Marge: In a good marriage you never say, "I told you so."
Homer: Which is good for me because you're always right.

He's cheating on Selma? Why go out for hamburger when you have rancid steak at home?

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.

Aww, I was standing in this line to use the bathroom, but now my license is expired.

I can't stand to see one of my female children unhappy.

Hello boat store, I'd like to order a boat. What do you mean dial tone?

Masseuses - half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.

First I work? Then I pay? Then I have to eat fruit? Why was I ever born?

Homer: The therapy was too effective.
Dr. Zander: Ah, yes. One of the most common complaints about therapy.

That's ridiculous. How could two people from the same family need therapy?

Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 1517 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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