The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Bart: If fairytales have taught us anything, first wives are the best and second wives are terrible.
Homer: Just the opposite of real life.

When we see each other again, you'll be an old man and I'll be a baby!

Homer: First the good news: two of your kids are not locked in the car.

Cake, will you make my stomach the happiest bag of acid in the world?

Marge: Homey, you sure know how to please a woman.
Homer: As long as it doesn't involve losing weight or changing my pants.

Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius can not be stopped.

I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.

Put a James Taylor CD in the stereo so they think it was a suicide.

Marge: In a good marriage you never say, "I told you so."
Homer: Which is good for me because you're always right.

He's cheating on Selma? Why go out for hamburger when you have rancid steak at home?

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.

Aww, I was standing in this line to use the bathroom, but now my license is expired.

Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 1523 in total
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