Homer Simpson Quotes
I'm all alone, and when there's some problem due to human error, guess who's to blame?
Homer: Finally, a supermarket with a clear premise - island something. Bart: It's like going to Hawaii without all the murderous locals.
Homer (on Maggie): Let her slice off the tip of your ear and she'll go right to sleep.
Homer: That's not a choice you get to make.
Oh, I always thought tarred and feathered was just a figure of speech. Good luck patching pot holes and stuffing pillows now!
Lisa: I pick up books like you pick up beers.
Homer: Then you have a serious reading problem.
Homer: Sorry, Dad. I was afraid the dragon wouldn't cough the moon back up.
Grampa: You idiot! Dragon always coughs the moon back up.
We shows girls love on Valentine's Day, and they let us blow things up on the Fourth of July. I just pray they never fall on the same day.
Marguerite, I leave to fight in Flanders. Stupid Flanders.
Grampa: And I created an alcoholic hippo.
Homer: You never showed it to me!
Grampa: A stupid alcoholic hippo!
Mapple Salesperson: The lightest, most desirable computer in the world, for the next three weeks - the Mapple Void.
Homer: I'll take it, provided you charge me for services that Google offers for free.
Man, this website makes talking drunk to my wife so much safer.
They know I'm doing a character. Like Stephen Colbert or Newt Gingrich.