Bart: Dad, what would you do if you got my ear in the mail?
Homer: I don't know; feed it to the dog.
Bart: You'd have to wrap cheese around it.
Homer: Don't you tell me how to feed you to the dog!

Well, that's just how dogs are. The most disloyal, unfaithful creatures god ever made.

That's right, your lord sticks his hand in his pants. And yes, it is the same hand I tapped you with.

No one judges my wife's thunder bags.

Wearing scarves in non-scarf weather is the essence of cool.

Marge: You're all bald.
Homer: No, I'm young person cool-bald. Not old person sad-bald.

Beat it, ducks! I'm not old enough to have food for you. I'm sexy. Young and sexy!

Dan: How do you keep finding me?
Homer: You really should tweet less.
Dan: But everyone deserves to know what I'm thinking all the time.

A paper-based read-a-ma-jig? What are we, cavemen?

Free Tibet! You heard me, free him now!

Homer: Wait, the frog in the trench coat is Kermit too.
Lenny: All the frogs in that show are Kermit. Keeps all the other frog actors out of work.

Homer: That's one way to avoid drunk driving.
Marge: Another way is don't drink.
Homer: I'm not Superman.

The Simpsons Quotes

(The family watches Homer's launch on TV.)
Bart: Go, Dad, go!
Lisa: How doth the hero, strong and brave, a celestial path to the heavens paved!
(The family stares at her.)
Lisa: Go, Dad, go.

Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...